Half A Life
by Maya Tawipart nine
"One more day
I'm always taking the dive
All it takes is all I can give
All my waking hours
Just to see you live
Through this sleepless night"
-Jump Little Children
Unlike most of the other major gods, Hermes didn't really have a central headquarters. Ares had his Halls of War, Aphrodite her International Palace of Love, but Hermes had never quite gotten around to building a House of Thieves, Travellers, and Various Messages. Having a stationary HQ seemed somehow antithetical to his very being. Some gods, he thought, were above such things.
Granted, he'd considered setting up a post office a few times. But that was purely to make his divine life easier, and anyway he'd never really had the time.
Even so, he did have a place to go, when he needed to get away from the other gods and especially from mortals. Not that he didn't enjoy the little people and their tiny, insignificant troubles, but every so often enough was simply enough.
Pryeste was a village that had been abandoned hundreds of years previous. Its inhabitants had been unremarkable in every possible way; however, in an unprecedented burst of inspiration, they had showed the good taste to build a temple to Hermes in their town square, and it was to this temple that the god retreated when he wanted to leave the rest of his petty, squabbling, incestuous family behind. None of the other gods ever gave Pryeste a passing thought-- its people had been too peaceful for Ares to remember, too dumb for Athena to have bothered with, too ugly for Zeus to concentrate his attentions on and far too patriarchial for Athena to ever show her attractive face and shapely bod-- so it was also a good place to sit and plot certain schemes in private, away from prying eyes and certain overgrown, violent psychotics with delusions of grandeur.
So Hermes sat in the deserted temple and silently called to someone. A moment later, a tall, slender figure materialized from thin air.
The newcomer crossed his arms and scowled. "Whaddya want?"
Hermes frowned back. "Are you busy?"
"Nah, just takin' a break after a long, long, long day of very strenuous activity-- what do you think? I haven't been doing nothing big for months. Ya know, I don't think the boss trusts me that much. I started a riot today, that was fun. I mean, everyone says they care 'bout their livestock 'till it comes to keeping the cute little critters safe or making a statement no one'll forget. After that-- I think ya know where I'm goin' here."
"Lovely." Hermes wrinkled his nose. "Listen, I need you to do something for me. I'd do it myself, but I'm on a schedule here, and I'm not sure I could get it to work right."
Bright, pale blue eyes widened. The newcomer reached up and placed one hand dramatically over his mouth. "Ooh, a favor? Sounds... so not my style. Forget it."
"It'll benefit you in the long run," Hermes promised, striving to stay pleasant and to resist the urge to smack the brat into submission.
"Oh, really." The other god ran one hand through his tangled black hair, clearly unconvinced.
"Of course," Hermes added, "you can't tell anyone. Not even your uncle."
"Oh, really?" The god giggled, and his pale eyes brightened again, possibly at the prospect of being privy to a secret his all-powerful uncle didn't know.
Hermes smiled. "Definitely."
The other god hesitated. "Okay," he said. "Fine. But you'll owe me, man."
"Yes, Strife," Hermes purred, "I most certainly will."
Three figures sat desolately on one hard, narrow bed.
"I don't know what to do," Iolaus said finally. "I really don't."
"We can go get him, right? They're not taking him down yet. We can just go up and...."
Agamede trailed off, staring at her hands. "No, we can't, can we? They've got enough guards up there for a bagball world tournament. And a cheerleading squad for each team."
Sileia silently put an arm around her, and she leaned her messy blond head against her fiancee's shoulder with a sigh. "I feel so fucking helpless." Then Agamede's expression turned wistful. "Of course, if my dad heard that he'd be bawling me out for 'improper language'. Then he'd turn right around and swear himself a blue streak."
She sighed again. "He's not okay, is he?"
"I think," Sileia said carefully, "that probably not."
She stroked Agamede's hair gently. Agamede sniffled once, then turned and wiped her eyes on Sileia's cotton shirt.
Iolaus watched them through narrowed eyes. "Touching as all this is," he said, "it really isn't helping Autolycus."
Sileia turned and glared at him, and if looks could kill, he would be scattered in little bloody chunks over the floor. Iolaus glared back, meeting her scowl for scowl.
"No, no, you're right," Agamede said shakily, oblivious to the exchange. She sat up, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "We have to-- we can do something about him. Him, we can help."
Iolaus transferred his scowl to her. "Really? I didn't think you care about him. I thought you only cared as long as he was gonna rescue your father, which he's clearly beyond doing now, so why would you even bother?"
"What-- what are you talking about?" She stared at him, looking bewildered.
Behind her, Sileia was glaring daggers at him.
"You know very well what," he snapped, ignoring Sileia's look. "Throughout this whole thing you never really gave a damn that he was risking his life just to save your dad-- you've insulted him, given him ultimatums, and threatened him when he was just trying to protect you, and he still went and did it, or tried to, and-- and now he's hanging up there on that cross with his fucking hands and legs smashed to bits, and admit it-- you don't even care!"
Sileia stood abruptly. "All right, that's enough--"
"Oh, for the gods' sakes!" Iolaus exploded, jumping to his feet and glowering up at her angry face. "Let the girl stand up for herself for once, would you?"
"Okay, I will," Agamede cut in, and then she, too, was standing. "Shut the Hades up! You don't know a damned thing about me or Autolycus! And I'll tell you one thing for free, if you think he would've gone after Dad if Hermes hadn't made him, then you are sadly deluded! Wake up, Iolaus-- you can't see what isn't there, and as much as you obviously want to see a hero in that man, the gods know why, there. Is. Nothing. There."
"You're wrong. You're so wrong that--"
"Oh, shut up already. You know what else? That's all really fucking irrelevant, because I do care what happens to him. Despite all that, I actually like him. Okay? But let's get one thing out in the open here-- I loved my father a lot more than I like Autolycus. And my father, in case you haven't noticed, is most likely tortured and dead now, so excuse me if I take a fucking moment to grieve for him!"
Iolaus narrowed his eyes again and stepped up to her. Their eyes were dead level with each other's, and his bored unflinchingly into hers. "He was always expendable to you, wasn't he? Oh, you're sorry for him now, and of course you want to help, but if he dies you're not gonna lose any sleep over it. Because you don't love him, so he doesn't really matter, now does he?"
"I offered to help," Agamede shot back. "I wanted to help. He wouldn't let me!"
"Of course you did. You're young, and that's the kind of thing young people do. Maybe you even meant it. Maybe you still do. But that doesn't change the fact that Autolycus just got crucified and you're not even thinking about what that means--"
"He got my dad into this--"
"Oh, and he hadn't paid enough?" Distantly, Iolaus wondered where all his rage was coming from, but he didn't think about it for long; it was just there, and it was pouring out now, as though the floodgates had suddenly burst. He began to pace back and forth. "Here's how things are, Agamede, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you have to, so get over it and listen to me.
"Your father was a High Priest of Hermes, and he took it upon himself to hide certain thieves who needed hiding. He knew what could happen. Stealing is a crime. People like me and Autolycus, we do it for a living, but it's still a crime, and we do it with the full knowledge that if we end up dead because of it, we'll have brought it on ourselves.
"Same with your father. Tiro knew when he started that one day some ruler or other would be so pissed off they wouldn't care about they sanctity of the temple, and they'd haul his priestly ass off for questioning, which is a nice way of saying torture, and he kept doing it anyway. I don't know why; I only knew the guy for a week. Maybe he really believed in what he did. That's not-- that's not even the point--"
Iolaus broke off abruptly and whirled around to face Agamede once more. "Do you even realize what Autolycus just lost? Do you know what a thief is without his hands? Nothing, that's what. He is nothing. And that all happened because Autolycus was trying to do the first good thing he's done in his life! So don't you fucking dare stand here in front of me and say he deserves what he got, because--"
Agamede shook her head in frustration. "You're not listening! I didn't want for any of this to happen! I just wanted--"
"What? What did you want?"
"I just wanted for everyone to be okay!"
Iolaus rolled his eyes. "Would you wake up, please? Nothing's okay anymore, not with that psycho in charge. She's running things now, and we're living in a guard state. And you cannot blame Autolycus for getting Tiro involved in this, because your father knew all that, and he knew what would happen, and he didn't want you getting involved. You tried, and he wouldn't let you, so you prayed to his god to look after him...."
He trailed off, staring open-mouthed into the dark corners of the room. Comprehension was beginning to dawn, and he didn't like it one bit.
He was vaguely aware of Agamede folding his arms across her chest and her defiant voice saying, "What's wrong, did you run out of accusations?" He ignored her. The pieces were falling into place.
"You prayed to his god," Iolaus repeated slowly, in a quieter, more controlled tone. "And that's where the problem is, isn't it? Because that should have ended it. Because Hermes should have popped in, said, 'Hey, unhand my priest,' and taken off, case closed. Because the priesthood is sacred. A high priest is like a god's property. And you don't take the property of a god." He spun around to face Sileia, then turned back to Agamede, his eyes wild. "D'you see where I'm going with this?"
"Not really," Agamede said.
"What I'm saying is it didn't happen that way, and that's because of the Conqueror, and because of the gods. Xena's got Ares behind her, hasn't she? And you're just too chicken to challenge him, aren't you?"
Agamede looked bewildered by this sudden change in targets. Sileia's forehead furrowed; then her eyes widened, and Iolaus knew that she, too, understood.
"I'm talking to you, Hermes, you fucking coward," he added loudly. "You might as well show yourself now. We're in your temple, after all."
Nothing.
"You're not doing so well, huh, Hermes? Your high priest dead, the King of Thieves out of commission, and your brother's horning in on your territory-- come on, I just want to talk, that's all. Come on! You've gotta punish me, at least, remember? For getting Tiro killed? You got Autolycus already, but here I am--"
And then Hermes was just suddenly there, standing in the middle of the room with his arms folded over his pudgy chest, glowering at the impertinent mortal who was bellowing at him in his own temple.
"You're right," the god said coldly. "I did promise, didn't I? I know a certain lovely lady who'd be thrilled to find you on her doorstep."
He started to raise his arm.
"Wait, wait!" Iolaus said hastily. "Hang on. I just want to talk first."
Hermes raised his eyebrows. "About what, your really spectacular failure? Let me tell you, not everyone can manage to screw up that badly--"
"No, I was thinking more about you being too afraid to take on the God of War."
The god bristled. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. It's been bugging me, you know, why would you send two thieves after your high priest instead of just getting him yourself? You're a god, after all, you could do that if you wanted."
"Yeah, I could, if the castle didn't qualify as Ares's property. Xena's not just some random warlord chick, you know, she's his favoritest, his best girl, and in case you've forgotten, Boy Genius, gods don't horn in on other gods' turf."
"Yeah," Iolaus said, "that'd work, except Xena didn't seem to have any problems taking over your property. And it's been a while since I took any theology classes, but don't you guys have some sort of thing where Ares can bitch all he wants and then you go and say, 'He did it first, it's his fault'?"
"Oh, right. You took theology classes? What, from that pack of nutball kleptos you used to run with?"
Iolaus smiled. "No, from that pack of nutball monks I spent ten years with. It wasn't all just sitting around and meditating, you know. They mix it up. Learn to fight a little, go arrange some flowers; fight some more, learn about world religions. That kind of thing. You could have just taken Tiro back and been completely justified, but you didn't. And I'd like to know why."
"Too bad," Hermes said. "Because you can just keep on wondering."
Iolaus was shaking his head. "It's the Conqueror, isn't it? She just doesn't play by the rules. But any of you could just kill her in an instant if you wanted, right? I don't--"
"Oh," Agamede blurted out. "Oh, oh, oh!" Her eyes were wide. "There was-- there was this rumor, a little while ago, I heard-- someone said the Conqueror has the last bit of Hind's blood there is. Does she? Is that it, or--"
"Okay!" Hermes yelled, and the entire temple seemed to shake. "That's enough!"
Everyone shut up.
"Now you." The god jabbed a finger at Iolaus. "I told you what'd happen if you failed, and I wasn't just jokin'. Come on, kid, we're off to see the Conqueror."
"No, wait!" Agamede burst out.
The others turned as one to stare at her.
She laced her fingers together tightly and glared at Iolaus. "I made the original prayer," she said. "Well, I withdraw it now. Leave him alone."
Hermes shook his head. "Doesn't work that way, sweets. You don't just withdraw a prayer. I'm not the patent application office. Besides, Tiro was my high priest, and I'm perfectly within my rights to take whoever's life I want in exchange for his."
Iolaus gave Agamede a hard stare. Her upper lip twitched.
"Well, then I'm praying again," she said stubbornly. "In the name of my father, your high priest. He wouldn't want any of this."
Her eyes met Iolaus's then, and her eyebrows lowered. He frowned, trying to figure out what she was up to.
Hermes sighed. "You got thirty seconds, kid."
"All right." She took a deep breath. "I pray to you to spare Iolaus's life and to rescue Autolycus-- in the name of my father, Tiro, High Priest of Hermes, who died to save their lives. I pray for him not to have died in vain. That's all."
Iolaus started to smile.
Hermes rolled his eyes. "Oh, bloody Tartarus."
"Well, what'll it be?" Iolaus jumped in. "You're gonna ignore a prayer in the name of your High Priest? I don't think your worshippers are going to like that much once word of that gets around. And hey, what if people found out that you were too scared to directly challenge Ares for your property?"
The god smiled, a malicious, humorless smile that looked entirely out of place on his middle-aged face. "Won't happen if you're all dead, now will it?"
Sileia crossed her arms and asked quietly, "Are you going to kill us?"
It was almost like hearing a chair speak; even Hermes looked taken aback. Then he sighed and looked at Iolaus.
"I like you, kid," the god said. "You've got balls. And you're a good thief."
"Autolycus was the best," Iolaus said.
"Yeah, yeah. Listen up, and listen closely, 'cause you guys are only getting one shot."
Agamede cracked her knuckles nervously. The sound was far too loud in the tiny room.
"You, I'll let off the hook. This time. Your friend, now, he's got one chance. There's an old trial sort of thing we use for these occasions." He fixed Iolaus with a hard stare. "You learn anything about this in your flower-arranging classes?"
The thief shook his head.
"Good." Hermes pointed, and a scale appeared in the corner of the room, floating in midair.
It was an elaborate-looking thing, solid gold encrusted with bright green gems, with various intricate designs carved all around. There was a fancy, flowing script on the bottom that Iolaus didn't recognize. His eyes widened, his thief's mind automatically starting to calculate the value of the thing, and then he noticed something curious about it. An oddly-shaped silver pin was perched on top of the scale at an angle that could only be described as jaunty. Hermes seemed to notice it at the same moment Iolaus did; the god scowled and gave the scale a hard smack, and the pin vanished with a pop and a sound suspiciously like a giggle.
Then Hermes snapped his fingers, and suddenly the scale was off-balance, a ball of glowing red light weighting the left plate almost below the base.
"That's the weight of my complaint against the guy," Hermes said. "Or some symbolic crap like that. You guys, whoever wants to, gets a chance to talk. You gotta tip the scales. You do that, I rescue your pal there. Simple as that."
Iolaus stared at the scale. "How are we supposed to--"
"That's your problem, isn't it?" Hermes smirked. "So who wants to go first?"
Agamede exhaled. When she spoke, her voice was barely audible.
"I'll go."
"But this is stupid," Iolaus protested. "She doesn't-- well, okay, maybe she does like him, but she obviously doesn't think too highly of his character. What could she possibly say to make a god think he's worth saving?"
"Leave her alone," Sileia said. "She has to do this."
Hermes and Agamede had gone, just vanished from the air into whatever fancy god-space lay beyond reality, Hermes assuring Iolaus that he'd be back for him soon. Until then, Iolaus and Sileia could only sit and wait.
Iolaus still didn't understand. "Why? Why does she have to? She's just wasting time--"
"Because she wants to prove to you she's not as heartless and selfish as you think she is," Sileia said. "And she wants to prove it to herself. So lay off her."
Iolaus frowned, ignoring the faint pangs of guilt in his stomach. "Oh, so you know everything about everyone, huh?"
Sileia sighed. "I know 'Mede. I know she's still a kid, and I know you should cut her some slack."
"We can't afford any slack here."
"That's not what I'm talking about," Sileia said. Her voice was low and even. "You were way too harsh. Remember being seventeen? You're so thoughtless and self-involved and at the same time you care so much about everything, you take things so seriously and you want to change the world, but you don't notice what's happening right under your nose because you're so wrapped up in your own issues and you're still working out what life's supposed to be like. That's 'Mede."
Iolaus's lip curled up slightly. "When I was seventeen, I was already killing people I didn't even know because my gang didn't like the competition. I don't think I'm much of a template for a normal adolescence."
"Pretend you're her, then," Sileia said. "'Mede's father was all the family she had. Disagreements aside, she loved him with all her soul." She paused. "I never liked the old man myself, but that's beside the point. If she was thoughtless of the risk your Autolycus was taking, it was because she was too preoccupied with her own problems. But now that you've pointed it out to her, she's terrified that she's really that selfish, so she's going to do whatever she can to prove otherwise."
"In other words," Iolaus said, "she's a normal kid."
"Exactly." Sileia fixed him with a level, frozen stare. "And if she does something stupid and gets herself hurt because of what you said, I will kill you."
Iolaus just snorted. "You'll have to take a numeral."
They sat in silence for a few moments, and then he burst out, "What's taking so long?"
Sileia just shrugged and pointed across the room. The red light still hovered, as bright and malevolent as ever. The scale hadn't budged.
Iolaus sighed. "I was afraid of that."
He felt her curious gray eyes on him, but she still didn't respond. He suspected that her speech had used up her quota of words for the day. Sileia was the kind of person for whom words were never worth quite as much as one well-placed glare.
He watched the scale, the scale stayed where it was, and gradually time passed.
"Okay, well. Autolycus. I'm not really sure where to start, so I'll just.... Anyway.
"I didn't really like him the first time I met him. He basically did his best to try and get up my skirt-- of course, at the time, I didn't know that was just his way of saying hello. This was like two years ago, and anyway, I let him know I was definitely not available, and he took it pretty well, which surprised me at the time. I thought-- honestly, hoped-- I'd never see him again, but he turned up at my dad's place like two days later. Turns out they know-- knew each other. I wasn't happy about that at all....
"What I figured out, though, eventually, is that he's really a good guy. Essentially, you know, when it comes down to the important things. I mean, he-- he takes people the way they are, instead of expecting them to turn out the way he'd like them to be. He's completely without any prejudice-- I mean, it doesn't surprise him that a woman can fight, or live on her own, or anything, and when I told my dad about me and Sileia, that first time we met, when I got home, he backed me up. Even though we didn't even really know each other then. He wasn't even worried about pissing Dad off, and when my father gets-- got-- upset, there are very few people who don't get scared. Maybe that's more because Autolycus never really thinks about the consequences of the things he says. But-- well, he didn't have to do that, and he did.
"Maybe he's not the most noble or heroic person in the world. I think it's because he expects too much of other people-- he expects everyone to be able to get themselves out of things, to be as good at surviving as he is, so that he doesn't have to risk anything. I don't think he'd ever get close to someone who couldn't take care of themself.
"But, well, he is a good person. And a good thief. Almost as good as he says he is.
"And I like him, and my father gave his life to save him. That night, on those steps, he made a conscious choice to do just that. And... well, if I'd thought about that before, it probably wouldn't have made any difference. I still would have wanted to rescue Dad. I mean, that's just the way things are.
"But what's done is done, and my dad wanted him safe. And that's good enough for me.
"That's all. And I really-- I guess I really do care about him. Whether he lives or dies. So. That's it."
Agamede closed her eyes briefly, then opened them again, and was nearly blinded by a flash of bright white light.
When the light faded, she was back in her father's bedroom, sitting on the floor and blinking.
She looked around at the Spartan furniture, cheaply bought-- there wasn't much of a market for items from Sparta-- and the bare floor and the desk in the corner, and she realized that, no, her father really wasn't coming back to this. Ever again.
Then her eyes lit on the scale in the corner, and her stomach dropped.
It hadn't moved.
Agamede choked back a sudden, unexpected sob-- she couldn't start crying now, she'd never stop-- and risked a glance at Sileia and Iolaus. Her fiancee, as always, looked impassive, but Agamede knew she saw compassion in those pale gray eyes. Iolaus--
Well, he looked like the floor had just dropped out from under him, and he was falling right on through to the bottom of the world and into the emptiness beyond.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling obscurely ashamed.
He saw her, then, and he shook his head and tried to smile. "It's not over yet."
"Damn right it ain't," Hermes said, appearing in front of them. "Come on, Goldilocks, you're next."
Iolaus blinked-- at the nickname, maybe-- and then Hermes reached out and grabbed his shoulder, and the two of them vanished.
Agamede closed her eyes. A moment later, she felt strong arms wrapping around her and soft lips brushing her neck.
"I tried," she said softly. "I really did."
"I know," Sileia murmured, resting her cheek against Agamede's. Long dark hair tickled her nose. "We don't know what Hermes is looking for. Iolaus might be the only one who has it."
"Gods," Agamede sighed. "All those mind games they play-- honestly, I don't know how you believe the way you do."
Sileia kissed her softly. "Artemis isn't like Hermes. Besides," she said, "sometimes, it's nice to have something to believe in."
Agamede shook her head. "I believe in us."
She felt her lover smile, and then Sileia said, "That's good enough for me."
"Okay, well, I've never really argued on behalf of anyone but myself. But I'm told that talking is one of the things I do best. So we'll see how it goes.
"Autolycus... well, what can I say? The guy's annoying as Tartarus. He just has this-- knack-- for getting under your skin and pissing you off. I think he does it on purpose, which says a lot about him, really.
"But I think I like him. I mean like like, as a person. He's smart, funny, fun when he's not being an ass... but mostly, he's a good guy. You know that? He's good. And he tried really fucking hard to do what you wanted. Autolycus could have run, you know. He was going to. But he didn't. He stayed, and he risked the worst to try and save Tiro, and the world happened. So he failed. It wasn't for lack of trying, and you owe it to him to help now.
"But obviously that isn't enough for you, so it begs the question of just what would be.
"Anyway. Um... he cares about people, he really does. Even though he pretends like he doesn't, and he does a pretty good job of it, it's obvious to anyone who knows him that--
"Fuck! Fuck all this, I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing here! What do you want to hear, huh? How am I supposed to convince a god that a mortal's life is worth saving? You guys don't care about us anyway. We're just funny little playing pieces to you guys! Come on, tell me what you want! I can't play the game if I don't know the fucking rules!"
Finally. Someone asks.
Iolaus spun around at the voice. At least, he thought he did. In a space with no walls, ceiling, or floor, where the whiteness was blinding in its sheer absence of parameters, the physics of movement got a little confused.
"What?" he demanded, when he didn't see anybody. The voice had been strangely distorted and reverberating, and had seemed to come from everywhere.
It came again; the vibrations shook him down to his toes. Well, of course it was a trick question, moron. What did you expect?
Hermes. Of course. Iolaus shook his head disgustedly. "I guess a sense of fair play would be too much to ask for."
This isn't about whether Auto's a "good guy" or if he does "good deeds", it's about whether anyone in the world would actually give a damn if he wasn't saved.
Iolaus stared around incredulously, then chose one spot at random on which to concentrate all of his indignance. "You think we don't care? Why the Hades would we be doing this if we didn't--"
No, no. Not just care, in that abstract way you mortals have, where every life is precious and no one should ever suffer, or some crap like that.
"Yeah," Iolaus snapped, "I just hate that shit."
Exactly. Not like that. That's how Agamede feels, by the way. Don't get mad at the girl, she likes Auto, and she'd be upset if he wasn't saved, but would her life be empty without him? Nooo, I don't think so. She'd get on just fine. Unfortunately, Autolycus left more of an impression in mattresses across Greece than with anything that would make people actually care about him.
"That's not--" Iolaus paused. "Well, okay, that's fairly accurate. But not-- I mean--"
Hey, if you think you can save him, be my guest. I'd be holding my breath if I needed to breathe. Sayonara.
Iolaus blinked. "Sayo-what?"
Then he scowled and crossed his arms. "Holding your breath, huh? Hold this."
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began once again to speak.
"So I like being around Autolycus. So what, you ask? There are tons of people whose company I enjoy who don't mean anything. Except, you know, in that silly abstract way us mortals have and by the way, that was complete centaur shit, but you're a god, so obviously you don't know any better.
"Well, what can I say, I'm a friendly guy.
"So what? I'll tell you what. Ever since we met, I've felt....
"Well... the problem is I've always felt like I'm... searching for something. Something that's not here. That's like... I'll probably never... I mean, it's like there's a part of me missing. Something that would make me, you know, whole. And I've spent most of my life looking for that, one way or another, and I don't-- I don't think I'll ever really feel... whole... and don't think I don't feel like an idiot just saying it. But....
"Okay, look. I don't really like talking about this stuff, all right? It's just not my thing. Just... anyway. Just so you know. Because I'm not really sure what I'm saying now.
"He makes me feel a little more complete. There, I said it. And I know you're laughing at me right now, so just... stop. Okay? It's like-- being with him just feels... right. You know, we work pretty well together once he stops being a prima donna for half a second, I'm sure you've noticed that from your godly perch up there on Olympus.
"It's funny, but with Autolycus... things make a kind of sense they never did when I was in the east. I mean, I feel comfortable with what I am, instead of feeling kind of... well, guilty about it. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it is from your point of view, right?
"What I'm trying to say is, I guess that I can't imagine him not being here. Even after just a few days, he just feels right. I came back because I couldn't find in the east what I was looking for. I think... I might have found it here.
"And I think....
"No. That's enough. Right? It's got to be."
A moment passed, pregnant and slow and somehow very, very final, and then there was a bright flash of light, and the nothingness dissolved into the room at the temple.
Agamede was sitting on the bed, white-faced, her short hair sticking out at odd angles. Beside her was Sileia, her expression unreadable, only her eyes betraying concern-- not for Autolycus, whom she didn't even know, but for her lover. She held Agamede's hand, subtly supporting her.
Iolaus met Agamede's wide blue eyes and remembered what Hermes had said. Even if Autolycus died for her, she'd get on just fine. He couldn't really blame her for that.
He looked away.
Hermes stood in front of them, watching them and blocking Iolaus's view of the scale.
"You guys are so bizarre," the god said suddenly. "Humans, I mean. Mortals. Not a single thought in your so-called heads is based on logic." He shook his head. "Completely nuts."
Iolaus stormed across the room and stuck his nose two inches from the god's. He had to stand on tiptoe to do it, but for once he didn't even notice. "Well?" he demanded. "Was that enough?"
Hermes didn't answer. He just moved aside.
Iolaus took a step back, staring at the scale, transfixed. The glowing red ball still tipped it downwards; as he watched, a green dot of light appeared on the other plate and began to grow, slowly balancing it out, slowly....
He held his breath....
And then it stopped.
The red ball still hung lower than the green.
His breath went out in a rush, as though he'd been punched in the stomach. "No," he whispered.
"Sorry," Hermes said. The god actually sounded like he almost meant it. Well, of course, Iolaus thought bitterly, he's losing his best thief. Even if Autolycus isn't really his.
"No," Iolaus said again, louder this time, whirling around to face the god. "No, that had to be enough. Don't tell me--"
"It wasn't," Hermes said. "Not what you said."
Iolaus laughed mirthlessly, suddenly getting it. "You're gonna make me say it, aren't you? You sadistic bastard--"
Hermes threw up his hands in exasperation. "Me!" he exploded. "Great Zeus, would you people get it through your heads already that I don't control the damned thing?"
"So you say, O God of Lies--"
"Iolaus," Agamede interrupted. "What's going on?"
He stabbed a finger in her general direction without even looking at her. "You stay out of this."
"Touché." Hermes raised an eyebrow. "On both counts. Cut the girl some slack, Iolaus, her father just died."
Iolaus sighed, frustrated. "Okay, okay, I apologize. To her. Not to you, buddy."
The god rolled his eyes. "Listen, buddy, the scale weighs your words, not your thoughts. If you want something to count, you gotta say it out loud."
"Iolaus--"
"Shut up, Agamede." Iolaus squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And I mean that in the nicest, friendliest possible way."
After all, it certainly wasn't her fault that she didn't feel the same way about Autolycus as...
...he did.
He felt himself grow slightly pale as the implications struck him, and he shook it off. There would be time enough for qualms later. Now they just had to get through this.
"Okay," he said through clenched teeth, without opening his eyes. "You want to hear it? You got it.
"I love him." He could feel three pairs of eyes burning into him; he gritted his teeth and plowed onward. "At least, I think I do. Or I could. It's not like I have experience with this sort of thing. I mean, it just hit me a couple minutes ago. But it feels right. And kind of terrifying, but... yeah. Knowing him, I feel like I just woke up, after being asleep all these years, and now I know what it feels like, I can't go back to how I was before. Before all this, I was ready to just die in some stupid accident, because there didn't seem to be a point in trying. Now... well, if I lose him now, I think I'll be back there again. So there you go. Satisfied?"
Then he sighed, and opened his eyes, and slowly turned around.
Agamede was staring at him, looking surprised and a little relieved.
And the green ball was growing again.
Iolaus held his breath.
With excruciating slowness, the right plate started to sink, until it dipped below the level of the rising red ball.
Hardly able to believe it, Iolaus exhaled, his breath sounding obscenely loud in the silence of the temple.
"Well," Hermes said. "Would you lookit that. Guess it's Auto's lucky day."
He disappeared.
Prologue | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Epilogue Email: mayatawi@populli.net