I had a hell of a time keeping track of who wrote what, and I'm essentially a lazy person at heart, so none of these quotes are attributed. If you see something you wrote and you want credit, just e-mail me and ask, and it shall be done.
TOM: Hi, I'm Satan. Enjoy the fanfic.
"Aghhhh oughhhh aghhh! mmmaaaaa!!!!!" he cried,
MIKE: Hmm, what would Freud say about that outburst?
TOM: Probably something in German, if he weren't dead.
CROW: Converting matter to energy and back again is easy. Drywalling is hard.
from shock, fright, and everything that went through your head as you died.
MIKE: And what would that be, exactly?
CROW: You mean, what went through his head?
CROW: That was a bullet.
CROW: Well, ever since Mike turned me into a girl-
TOM: He WHAT?
MIKE: I did no such th- well, yeah. I guess I did.
"Unhand me, you rake," she called out, ineffectually pounding at his chest.
TOM: [falsetto] Release me, you garden weasel!
MIKE: [falsetto] Don't touch me, you entrenching tool!
CROW: [bass] Stop struggling, you hoe!
MIKE: You know, Servo, I've been through enough emotional upheaval today without you pretending to be my deity.
His moth open and his eyes wide, he was loist in disbelief that so much could be in one place lagely untouched by the sands of time.
CROW: Or, indeed, a spell-checker.
ANT: Casual villains, for the hero who couldn't care less.
Very soon Jesus Christ is going to come in Flaming Fire to separate the wheat from the chaff.
CROW: The Prince of Peace is flaming?
MIKE: And seems to be involved in agriculture in some way.
TOM: Christ: Gay Amish Farmer.
MIKE: Why do I see two New York subway trains colliding?
CROW: 'Cause you're sick and twisted and weird and no one will ever love you.
THERE WERE DONUTS.
TOM: AND THE DONUTS ROAMED THE EARTH IN THOSE DAYS, AND WERE MIGHTY!!
Background note: Son of a Slave captured by the Orions and held in slavery till he was 10 years old.
CROW: This is good. This way the series will be able to take the bold stance of telling us slavery is naughty.
TOM: Boreder and boreder we got, yet still the demon attacked!
MIKE: "Boreder?" That's all you got for me, O king of grammar flames?
TOM: Oh, leave me alone. I'm tired and cranky and out of sorts.
CROW: That's it. His mind wandered away, and it isn't coming back.
Over the next several days Willow rapidly grew stronger.
TOM: Her power and influence spread far and wide! She became master of all she surveyed! Then came her downfall when she tried to invade Russia during the winter.
MIKE: There's some things even a funk queen can't do.
"Tell me, red, were your parents stoned when they named you, *Scully*?"
CROW: No, they were...Irish.
TOM: So, Scully dies when a bucket of water falls on her and the rest of the Bureau can't stop laughing about it?
CROW: Could you?
He then looked toward the edge of the pier "How long do you suppose my bike will last in that water?"
JOEL: Pretty long. It's the brand new model, that stays crispy even in milk.
It started up and he placed his foot on the pedal and the car moved into motion.
MIKE: Since moving into motionlessness would be both impossible and quite rude.
TOM: But very Zen.
The Prime Directive may not shield us from this,
TOM: [as Picard] ...mostly because we don't want it to.
It depends on how you define same and separate.
CROW: I define them to both be exits on the New Jersey Turnpike.
JOEL: What's a cross-species disease between friends?
TOM: Yet another question for Captain Kirk.
The drive section unloaded everything onto the Clarians' rear.
CROW: What's Peter North doing in this fanfic?
JOEL: What's Peter North doing in your memory bank?
TOM: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!! YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART!
CROW: Joel? How DO you give a wedgie to a hologram?
JOEL: Really fast?
TORRES: You can't have something dependent on a future event!
KIM: You can if you're a Physics major.
"So what is a B-grade movie cinema doing all the way out here in space?"
TORRES: Uh, the backstroke?
Franticaly he pushed back the leaves that seemed to grow in abundence.
MIKE: 'Seemed'? Guys, what is the author implying here?
TOM: That, in reality, the leaves were growing in Providence, RI.
MIKE: Oh good, because I - huh?
TOM: Well, you asked!
MIKE: These characters really ought to stop trying to do things frantically. Let's face it- they're never going to get it right.
TOM: Come on! I boffed a Tubby! Does that make me some sort of pariah?
MIKE: Yes. Yes it does.
The sun burbled. Rabbits chewed grass. The hills just sat there.
MIKE: And Godot had yet to appear.
From: email@example.com (Mister Pastry)
JOEL: It's a post from everybody's favorite late-night donut shop!
"I will not have members of my senior staff traipsing around unexplored planets that could have hidden traps."
JOEL: Oh, fine! We'll send some ensigns and let *them* get blown up.
CROW: Carrying on the Star Trek tradition.
MIKE: Fine, go ahead with the smut. It'll all end in tears!
OFFICIAL2: Ah, but we have something you never thought off... we have lazer guns, you do not.
CROW: We can't spell, but we're violent!
Buffy sat in her chair in english,
MIKE: I didn't realize she had a choice.
CROW: I guess Buffy's got a multilingual butt.
DICK: I need a name. Batboy? The Dark Earl? What's a good side kick name?
CROW: How about Bullet-Stopping Lad?
BRUCE: There's something I want to talk with you about. It's...Well, we.. I...
TOM: I live with a teenage boy. He followed me home. Can we keep him?
I will rule the planet. For if knowledge is power then tremble world, Edward Nygma has become a God!
CROW: Yeah, but you just try to get people to the First Church of Ed.
"Buffy!" Angel yelled and sat next to her. "Whats the matter?" he asked softly.
MIKE: If I had to guess, Dead Boy, I'd say your constant changes in volume are giving her cognitive dissonance.
CROW: Jews for Jesus? Isn't that an oxymoron?
TOM: It seems more likely that we'd see Jews for dental floss bungee jumping.
KURT: Friends of yours, Wisdom?
PETE: Hey! Not *every* homicidal suicide-bomber is one o' me mates.
KITTY: Yeah, but do you *know* him?
PETE: ...Well, yeah. That's Radborne from F.I.6...but that's not the point!
MIKE: Hey, what is that?
KURT: What is what?
MIKE: That little logo.
AMANDA: Butt tattoo. Everyone on the X-teams has one. It's sort of like a brand to keep the X-people from running away and mingling with all the common mutants out there. Why do you think I never officially joined? I'm a woman of fair skin and delicate hiney.
"I must have been hit harder than I thought, I could have sworn you just said the Slayer's name was Buffy." Steven replied.
TOM: [French] Zee inherent irony baffles my French puzzler! Mon dieu! Fromage!
CROW: [French] Zee fact zat she is named Buffy has rocked my French world!
MIKE: [French] Only a Jerry Lewis film will calm me now!
Yes, he thought, that should do nicely.
MIKE: He would have laughed maniacally, but his throat was a bit sore, so he had some lemon tea instead.
CROW: "Femme-ulon, Demon of Anal Retentivity!"
"Did you know there's a plant that can make you break out in a rash just from touching it?"
MIKE: No. Did you know there's another plant that can make you happy just from smoking it?
CROW: Hey, that reminds me, Joel's...uh..."hydroponic farm" needs watering.
TOM: Yeah, and we're almost out of frozen pizzas.
CROW: Here, Dana--can I call you Dana? Sit right by _me_.
SCULLY: Mulder, I think this robot's hitting on me.
"Yeah. They explained to me that they've been monitoring our planet for over two billion years. They abducted the dinosaurs to make way for our evolution."
MULDER: My GOD! This explains it all!
SCULLY: They're kidding, Mulder...
"Yeah . . . still, you'd think they have better things to do."
SCULLY: Well, so do _we_, and we're not complaining.
MULDER: Yes we are!
SCULLY: But we're being very witty as we do it.
"Yeah," said Pete. "What are we doing here?"
MULDER: What are we doing here? Page 15.
SCULLY: How will we get out? Page 36.
TOM: Why is chopping off your testicles a good idea? Page 53.
CROW: Wrong cult...
TOM: Scully, you've got so much to live for! Your career!
MIKE: Your hair!
CROW: Your...uh...your career!
He then picked her up again and carried her all the way to her quarters where they engaged in the one thing the bridge crew couldn't watch. . .
CROW: Satanic ritual?
TOM: Mocking ST:Voyager?
GYPSY: Oh, my. It seems like only yesterday we found you on our doorstep.
MIKE: Yep. But it was actually a little over six years ago - well, if you don't count the 5 centuries we all spent wandering around as disembodied energy.
CROW: And you know what that means, don't you, Mike?
MIKE: That it's a good thing I'm able to somehow get clean undies up here?
TOM: I've never seen a fanfic throw a hissy fit before.
"Just a good look at your drive system. I've never seen anything like it." "Few people have kid," Han said looking around.
CROW: It's an Infinite Improbability Drive, protected by a Somebody Else's Problem field.
"Yeah, she graduated from high school at age eight, got her second Ph.D. at 14,
Mike: Took command of the Enterprise...
then received special permission to join the FBI.
MIKE: You know, I wouldn't put it past our government to arm a 15-year-old.
CROW: Special permission. They just wanted to keep her they hell away from Starfleet.
Angel saw her face was scraped.
CROW: Clean off, and frankly, it creeped him out.
TOM: What's wrong with worshiping Pan? Personally, I always use it as a low-fat alternative to butter or cooking oil...
MIKE: That's "Pam", Tom.
TOM: Pam, Pan; all I care about is that my lemon chicken doesn't stick.
Pulling the saber that he had borne with honor at Waterloo for his King and Country, Lord Fox said but two words,
ALL: "Bite me."
MIKE: You're a dark little bot.
Deanna and Beverly were both talking about their dates the previous night
CROW: [Troi] Will's so infuriating! With him, it's nothing but sex, morning, noon, and night! What did you two do?
TOM: [Crusher] Er, we sat around, and drank tea.
CROW: [Troi] See, I envy that.
"Attention all crew members. This is Cmdr Riker. This is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill."
CROW: [Riker] There is a cheesy happy ending off the starboard bow. Lavender Alert.
Date: 1 May 1995 11:17:10 -0400
TOM: A date that will live in pudding!
TOM: Thought I was going to say "infamy," didn't you?
TOM: He's playing with cherry blossom shrapnel!
CROW: He's a braver man than I...
GYPSY: Yes, boys, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.
CROW: Hey, generosity and devotion are my middle name!
TOM: I thought your middle name is "The".
CROW: Oh. You're right. I must be thinking of someone else.
I am stern, acrid, large, undissuadable--but I love you,
CROW: Ah, Rush Limbaugh's pick-up line.
I shall count on the fruits of the gushing showers of them, as I count on the fruits of the gushing showers I give now,
TOM: I can't tell if Walt needs a gardener or a plumber.
Let the earth desert God, nor let there ever henceforth be mention'd the name of God! Let there be no God!
MIKE: I, uh, don't think God would agree to put it up for a vote.
TOM: If people keep smiling like this, I'm going to start looking around for Sonic the Hedgehog.
Her bosom heaves, and her limbs tremble, yet she cannot withdraw her eyes from that marble-looking face.
CROW: [As intruder, soothingly] You just keep looking at my face, dear. I'll keep on looking at your bosom.
She'd had a theory that the ancients had successfully channeled through the forces of nature and had found a way to merge with nature.
MIKE: Yeah, it's called DYING.
TOM: The tombs were a bit of a tip-off.
Ash patted his dusty chest
CROW: Dusty Chest, isn't that the name of a porn star?
MIKE: ...Why do you think _I_ would know?
"Easy Joyce, there's more to it than that- there's more digging, we have to get grants, a crew together, and of course more money..."
TOM: I thought a grant _was_ money.
CROW: Maybe this is set in an alternate universe where grants are given in the form of cheese.
Jill stopped her orgy and
TOM: Oh, now it's _her_ orgy. Surely Erin and Joyce deserve some credit.
MIKE: Some people think the world revolves around them.
Erin relaxed as Joyce continued to wash and clean out his hand, he looked deep into her eyes with love and tenderness, analyzing her delicate frame and feminine graces
TOM: [as Erin] "You know, Joyce's delicate frame and feminine graces could be the result of either genetic perfection or plastic surgery. I don't know which."
"This is incredible!" he exclaimed. "The ground, around this door is....WARM, god it feels like a human heart!
MIKE: I think there's something Erin's not telling us about his past.
TOM: "Oom nom cinnebah..."
"I don't know Erin, we're we're going to need more people in on this thing, this...this has me stumped!"
TOM: [as Erin] "Well, maybe you can dredge up a few more of your alter egos to help us out."
"No, really there's more..." she noticed,
MIKE: [as Joyce] "If you act now, we'll throw in this attractive turnip twaddler at no extra cost!"
TOM: You know, we could use one of them, what with all these untwaddled turnips lying around.
CROW: Tom, sometimes you wig me.
Dave looked up and saw Marrissa. "Ahh!"
ALL: < giggle >
TOM: Finally! A logical reaction to Marrissa!
"That's too bad. I've always felt that family, whether by blood, or adopted, was one of my most cherished treasures."
CROW: < Marrissa > Well, that, and having a nice author to make me perfect in every way.
"You seemed to be happy about something."
TOM: < David > Uh, yeah, I was just enjoying some... err... educational programming with your computer.
CROW: < Marrissa > My GOD, what are those Orion Slave Girls DOING with that Vulcan?!?
TOM: < David > Uhh... p-prospering?
With a plunge he seizes her neck in his fang-like teeth -- a gush of blood, and a hideous sucking noise follows. _The girl has swooned, and the vampyre is at his hideous repast!_
CROW: Oh, what a relief. I thought he'd be at her throat.
How true it is that we measure time by the events which happen within a given space of it, rather than by its actual duration.
MIKE: Which makes judging track meets really hard.
Before he could start to panic she filled a syringe with a neural toxin to make him fall asleep before he could injure himself any more.
TOM: She's putting him to sleep?
CROW: (As little kid) Is Daniel gonna be okay?
MIKE: (As parent) Don't worry honey, he's going to a better place.
TOM: Man, she's gonna be court marshaled for that.
"I was a bit curious about that. You claim to have read my history in what you refer to as 'fan-fics'?"
CROW: And the forth wall comes a tumblin down....
Heroes? They are the faces and bodies of a collective will to achieve "the impossible".
JOEL: They are people who do not understand their vocabulary words.
(God calls homosexuals "abominations")
TOM: Nooo; he calls them late at night and hangs up when they answer.
I voted for Jimmy Carter the first time and was disappointed in his performance.
CROW: The second time, I brought fresh batteries and we were both thrilled!
who when accused and demanded for documents, those same disappear then mysteriously reappear and again no one faults him for it.
CROW: Another tragic instance of grammar being used as a deadly weapon.
If it is bad for the country,
CROW: It's probably fun.
then supporting someone who upholds the bad is a statement of one's own position.
JOEL: Conversely, one can collect expired aspirin tablets in the hopes of getting a complete set.
When they got there, they were greeted by various black, white and brown ferrets
JOEL: And one very confused wombat.
MIKE: Just what parts of the satellite did the other guy give you to make you so twisted, Crow?
CROW: Never ask that question, Mike.
JOEL: Hey, watch it! There's young robots here!
Or ask Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
TOM: As long as you can stop laughing at their names long enough, that is....
The corporations are filling up your minds with trivial so that you will prostitute your soul to them.
CROW: Whoooo! Hey, baby! Does that soul go all the way up?
MIKE: Did anyone get the license plate on that dialogue?
Buffy smiled. "I'll try." and the three heard her boots clicking further and further away.
TOM: However, they couldn't escape their feeling of mutual dread. They knew, somewhere deep, somewhere beyond even mere knowing, that yes, one of these days, those boots, those selfsame boots, were going to click all over them.
CROW: That's the most eloquent homage to Lee Hazelwood in the history of the universe.
"Buffy...?" Angel asked.
MIKE: [Angel] Let's see. Blonde, scantily clad, being attacked by vampires, rescued by me... I wonder who this could be?
She'd never been so scared her in life.
CROW: I'm beginning to empathize. I sense a poor action sequence ahead.
"Well Buffy was attacked by a vampire, and she was to scared to fight it, she got scratched so I took her back to my place and she was ready to go when she collpased by the door and cried telling me she was to scared. I don't know what to do?"
TOM: Whoa! Looks like Angel needs to stop feeding off the crystal meth addicts down at the Bronze.
"Ok time for this to come out.
CROW: She said, reaching for Angel's left eye.
Jason maintains that we should all just sit here waiting for something to happen, like Christ to finally show up and tell us what to do or whatever.
TOM [Christ]: "Hey, could one of you get me a soda?"
but most of all I didn't even try to work something out with you."
TOM: [Buffy] Now, if a train leaves New York traveling 50 miles per hour...
Angel stared at her. "Buffy..you know...we can't"
MIKE: ...work this out. The undead suck at word problems.
TOM: I can't take it anymore! [head explodes]
MIKE: Cut it out, Tom. Your head explodes in just about every MSTing that comes along these days.
TOM: Sorry. [head magically flies back together]
J. Neil Schulman
MIKE: The "J." stands for "completely insane"!
When again peace returned, his world was very different.
TOM: For one thing, there was less war.
"Andy!" the woman exclaimed, standing up. "I thought you were in Nebraska!"
CROW: Sticking an exclamation point after the word "Nebraska" is inherently funny.
She was curled up like a child:
TOM: And simmered in a lovely light cream sauce for thirty-five minutes, also like a child.
MIKE: Tom! Where did that come from?
TOM: Sorry. I've been reading a lot of German folktales lately.
"Maybe this place is empty because its like a blank canvas, ready for us to paint with our imagination!" Ellen said.
MIKE: Unless you're Yves Klein. Then you'll just paint it blue.
TOM: Great, Mike. Centre Pompidou humor. There're what, maybe six people in the =world= that might get that?
Jesus Is Waiting for You, But Will Soon Discontinue His Glorious Offer to Join Him in Paradise!
CROW: Is Norman describing God here or a time-share Condo in Venice Beach?
TOM: Ushering in the new Millennium with Killer Asteroids. *tsk* Isn't that *just* like the Prince of Peace?
CROW: Nothing hits the spot quite like the zany antics of inbred Swedes.
this book examines why guns are at the front line of America's culture war.
MIKE: Because when you put them in the back you wind up shooting everything in between.
TOM: How come nobody ever profiles me?
MIKE: It's just because your head's a sphere, Tom.
TOM: Hooboy. At this rate, we're going to have to keep the pot and the kettle on separate continents to keep a fight from breaking out.
CROW: [as Lando] Is anyone else a little worried about letting the blind kid shoot at things?
Using fear and intimidation, the Empire seeks to impose a New Order on the galaxy.
TOM: I think he's confusing the Empire with the Young Republicans.
CROW: Pick up loaf of bread, gallon of milk, light bulbs, and a few 16th century relics on the way home.
CROW: Y'know, read out of context, practically every sentence in this story could be really filthy.
MIKE: You read *everything* out of context.
CROW: I have to - it's in my contract.
August 3, Iraq tries to invade Syria."
CROW: But they're turned back when they encounter what is later described as "a really ugly, scary-looking spider".
TOM: It's official - the co-ordinates have gone, and they've taken the grammar checker with them.
CROW: Y'know, I'm not an unreasonable artificial life form, but I'd just like to state for the record that if Mulder and/or Scully show up, I'm taking my marbles and going home!
MIKE: These wonderfully inconspicuous code names brought to you by the Bureau of Hey, Look--We're a Secret Government Organization (a division of the Department of the Obvious).
CROW: It is now official- Stephen is not living on the same planet as we are.
MIKE: Crow, only Gypsy is living on the same planet as we are.
CROW: Well, fine. If you want to get technical about it.
MIKE: Wow. If that sentence were any more stilted we'd have to raise the ceiling in here.
The assassin has been identified as Ian O'Toole,
CROW: And he's so Irish, it hurts.
She was an alien from another planet. He could tell that just from looking at her and her jet-pack.
MIKE: And the way she panicked when the immigration guys arrived.
MAFP: INS! Open up!
If asked, he would not have been able to say how he knew all this; it simply was so.
CROW: The writer had been good to him.
When they went up to a cotton candy stand someone
CROW: Mugged them and took their comma.
MAFP: If I'm going to be a pervert, I want it to be WRONG, damn it!
"We searched the records for descendants of William and Beatrice for any project and names of Athena," Wesley said. "We came up with five matches.
CROW: [Wesley] Athena, Athena, Athena, Athena and Vince. We're 80% sure about this.
"Brown froze the smile on Carver's face with his steely glare."
He could have used his icy glare instead, but decided that would be too obvious.
MIKE: You know, there are some days when I wonder why I do this job.
TOM: I think it's because you're a prisoner and don't have any choice.
It was another of the Klingon body's famous redundancies.
CROW: I present to you... a Klingon with five asses!
When Kern was younger, he'd thought it was disgusting behavior for a warrior to be fawning over pictures of cutely dressed young children.
TOM: The Klingon equivalent of the FBI, however, objected to his alternative, and confiscated Kern's computer.
PARIS: Robots have weird dating rituals. Accept it.
A. It is true that God reveals His love to the whole world,
CROW: And draws three-to-five for exhibitionism.
Why would God create a Hell?
MIKE: Well, if you're God, I can see how model airplanes wouldn't really hold your interest.
That someone is God Himself, who came to earth as Jesus Christ to bear the wrath of God for all who believe in Him.
SERVO: Wait a minute! God bears his own wrath?
MIKE: This is starting to sound dysfunctional. I think God needs group therapy.
It means that we hang our whole lives on Him.
CROW: Like sweatsocks on a bannister.
MIKE: Our Father, who art a clothesline...
but smote upon his breast,
MIKE: There's something dirty there, and it's just killing me that I don't know what it is!
CROW: Hey, how come *my* Bible doesn't shed light?
MIKE: Did you check the batteries?
If Adam or Noah and his sons had adapted a total homosexual way of life, then the human race would have come to an end.
MIKE: As opposed to a world descended from one, in-bred family?
CROW: What? Arkansas?
Let the Bible speak.
TOM: Speak, Bible! Speak! Now sit up! Roll over! Good Book!
God knew what he was doing, and He violated none of His attributes or laws in destroying them.
TOM: With the possible exception of "Thou Shalt Not Kill".
If America continues to follow the widespread homosexual trend, it will destroy our civilization.
CROW: But on the plus side, there will be a marked improvement in floral arrangements!
"Another nine-year-boy had stolen money from his mother's purse ($7.00) to buy more cards. When questioned, he confessed and said he had heard the devil urging him to do it.
MIKE: Y'know, when my nephew tried to use that excuse, we just made him pay back the money and sit in the corner...
CROW: Get back, you Commie-Nazis! You're not gonna take my potato gun without a fight!
He gave her the sad puppy face.
MIKE: Then he gave her the sad puppy carcass.
Upon my mother's suggestion, I am beginning this log to, as my mother says, record my activities, my goals, my hopes, and my dreams.
MIKE: My first goal is to get my mom to stop bossing me around.
Commander Riker, Marrissa and four yellow shirts took position on the transporter platform, phasers drawn.
CROW: The laundry's back, and it's ready to kick ass!
MIKE: Hey, I know, let's all just pretend we're dreaming. That way it won't seem that much like an acid flash.
He considered excluding Trish from the dinner, but decided that it would be a rude gesture.
MIKE: After all, she was just introduced in that sentence.
Kelton tells the officer on duty that he saw a ghost and tried to kill it,
MIKE: I guess they didn't teach Logic 101 at Police Academy, either.
As the computer signaled its compliance, Tom Servo sprang back to life yelling "Good morning, Vietnam!"
MIKE: And Vietnam shouted back, "Good Morning, Tom Servo".
CROW: You sure are a dork in this fic, Tom.
"Get back in your cell!" stated Dax in an oddly-stilted voice that resembled intentional bad acting.
TOM: No, no, no, this is "Deep Space Nine", not "Voyager"!
"I'm afraid not, Dave.
[All start to speak]
MIKE: Okay, were we all about to do a "2001" Ref?
MIKE: Let's just mark it done and go on then, okay?
CROW: Oh, Mike! I know I've been robbed of my freedom, bought and sold like a '68 Volkswagen, and the stitches in my side have probably become disgustingly infected! But the important thing is: Tom said I'd look cool!
Punches were exchanged. Blood was spilled.
MIKE: The passive voice was employed.
CROW: Snacks were served. Presents were exchanged.
TOM: Audience engagement was thwarted.
TOM: In some bizarre alternate universe, that's humor.
"Ladies and Gentleman, this meeting isn't going to be easy," the Doctor said.
CROW: I lost a bet, and have to go from here on without the letter E.
TOM: Run! Run! Run for your synthetic lives!
(Aurora Universe materials are strictly for Mature Readers over 18 years of age!)
MIKE: Say, how old are you guys, anyway?
CROW: I think I left my ID in my other chassis.
"Ma'am, I have probable cause to apprehend you under a suspicion of fowl play.
TOM: Fowl? As in, playing with chickens?
CROW: 007 - license to misspell.
He was short and built like a brick shit house;
TOM: You know, if I were a woman, I'm sure that line would turn me on.
They stood with palms folded in front of them, cold expressions like stone on their rock edged faces.
MIKE: So do they shave or hire a landscaper?
Don't worry. They won't grow. You won't be a thick, mass of bulging muscle."
MIKE: Well, that's a relief.
TOM: However, it may briefly turn you into an Orthodox Rabbi.
Her skin so soft and golden brown on every inch of flesh.
MIKE: Is this a woman or a potato?
CROW: It would help explain the desire to be close to cheese.
The blackness of their surroundings was terrifying; a pitch, midnight black hell impenetrable by any means.
MIKE: Except, apparently, by walking.
MIKE: [Grim Reaper] Hi, I'm the Grim Reaper! You may remember me from such disasters as the Bubonic Plague, the Crusades, and the Gummi Bears' Christmas Special...
Chris quickly clapped his arms across the man's head, crushing his cranium with his solid biceps.
MIKE: Oh, that's realistic.
CROW: Haven't you been paying attention? It's like rock paper scissors...muscle crushes bone, bone beats cheese, cheese crushes steel.
TOM: I find this conversation disturbingly tangential.
She glanced around at her attackers who must have melted out from the wood work
CROW: Like cheese.
TOM: It's just not funny anymore.
CROW: Ignore me. I just want attention.
SERVO: Mike! You blew up *another* planet!
MIKE: No! I mean... did I? I didn't mean to!
CROW [shakes his head sadly]: It staggers the imagination.
[Mike sits down dejectedly.]
MIKE: Boy, is my face red. Sorry, planet.
LUKE: (over headset) Coming in point three five.
MIKE: Point three five? So roughly one-third of a TIE-fighter is attacking?
SERVO: Yeah. Him and his 2.5 children.
His quantum signature is interesting. We shall subject him to scientific tests."
TOM: Translation: Anal probes aplenty.
Marrissa was surrounded by white, as far as the eye could see.
JOEL: < Marrissa > Whoa... did I get sucked into a suburb of Seattle?
BISCH: Somewhere, a highly caffeinated Canadian is crying.
I asked the computer to verify this by scanning his quantum signature.
BRET: It read, "Yours Truly, Scott Bakula."
BRET: YES! Thank you, foppish imp god!
BISCH [sighs depressively]: Looks like it's time to get zany again.
You're becoming just like Jean-Luc at his worst.
NASH: She's a balding, prissy Brit who's inexplicably also French?
Corteseís army could have come barging into the tavern at that moment, and she wouldnít even have noticed.
MIKE: That's because Cortese's army consists solely of mimes.
TOM: Yeah, they pantomime raping and pillaging.
In the event of a Communist revolution,
CROW: Please extinguish all smoking materials, and return your dialectical materialism to a full and upright position.
I really hope the US decides to declare war on the middle east for this,
JOEL: The WHOLE Middle East?
TOM: A 'big picture' person, I see.
BLOW UP THE MIDDLE EAST!
CROW: How much you wanna bet this guy also supports nuclear energy and the electric car?
TOM: He'd better.
TOM: Has anyone else noticed all the ellipses in this fanfic?
TOM: Yeah, you know: "..."
MIKE: How did you pronounce that?
TOM: I ain't telling.
CROW: I can't believe you, Mike! You wander out in the middle of a story and meddle with the time line!
TOM: What were you thinking?
MIKE: It seemed like a good idea at the time!
CAT: Thatís what happens when you give irresponsible rodents high voltages.
TV - The apparent cause of death was a severe neck wound that, in the words of one bystander looked like "a really gross hickey."
JAMES: "This reporter does not know what a hickey is, but he feels that he would like one. I hope youíre watching this, honey."
CAT: Youíre going to have to learn one day that you need air to live, Anthony.
Watcher - Let Satan tremble.
CAT: If Satan would turn on the heating, he may not tremble so much.
SPIKE: Satanís a stingy bastard when it comes to bills.
SPIKE: (stops wailing)
CAT: His batteries ran out.
SPIKE: The fourteenth glass of tequila just kicked in. Iíve forgotten who Dru is.
Buffy - You're one of those skanky old men that, like, attack girls and stuff. Forget you.
CAT: (sarcastic) Oh, so she took self defence.
DEC: (as Attacker) Give me your money!
JAMES: (as Buffy) Forget you!
DEC: (as Attacker) Oh, OK. Iím sorry.
DEC: Cassandra hears laughing. Possibly a vampire. Cassandra dead now. Looky, a Haiku!
SPIKE: (counting on fingers) Thatís six syllables in the opening line.
DEC: No itís not!
SPIKE: Yes it is! Look, Iím an undead creature of the night. Killed more people than you can imagine. If I say itís six syllables, itís six bloody syllables, OK?
DEC: Youíre techy when drunk.
SPIKE: Donít make me kill you.
Merrick - How does he make you feel?
Buffy - I don't know. He scares me.
JESSIE: (as Buffy) Wait, those are two separate ideas...
ANT: (as Buffy) I donít like rice. Yes I do!
Don't forget the cardinal rule, one vampire is a lot easier to kill than ten.
JESSIE: Gee, really? Iíll have to remember that.
***Takes out a pencil and notebook***
'One bad thing is better than ten bad things.' Got it.
Grueller - Now, I'm a god.
Pike - And, now, you're a coat rack.
SCOTT: Thatís an odd thing to say, even for him.
JAMES: (as Pike) And I wave my magic wand, and youíre a toaster!
Gary Murray - Hey! I have detention slips here, and I'm not afraid to use them.
DEC: Unless theyíre pointy wooden detention slips, theyíre of little use.
"James...after talking it over with my associates, we have made a decision. This was not an easy decision to make.
AOI: (as 'person') Weíve decided that youíre too camp to live, James.
"My name is Jessie. I'm sure the boss already explained to you our 'arrangement'?"
SCOTT: (as Jessie) I beat you over the head and degrade you every now and then. And of course, you are required to cross dress every week.
JESSIE: Thatís almost word for word.
"Let's fuck her, I've got to have that thing,"
AOI: Ack! Censors! Young ears present!
SCOTT: (as man) Iíve got to have that thing... you know, that... thing?
SPIKE: (as other man) Her coat?
SCOTT: (as Man) Yeah, thatís the one.
Willow walked over to greet her boyfriend. She thanked god that he was safe and sound.
ANT: (as God) No problem, Willow, anything for a Wiccan who doesnít even believe in me.
A young girl, young woman really,
WASHU: But a young man, biologically...
He NEVER notices me!' she thought, sadly,
WASHU: (as Ginny) Maybe itís because I never open my speech with a quote mark.
JAMES: And in a desperate attempt to get Harry to notice her, Ginny took to dancing around in circles making duck noises.
ANT: Gotta admit, itís the sorta thing Iíd notice...
VEGETA: She should just sigh again. You have to admit, it was impressive.
She woke up in the middle of the night, around midnight,
VEGETA: Indeed, the middle of the night would be midnight.
JAMES: Iíd like to see her get up in the middle of the night, around 9.25 am...
he glanced desprately out the window behind her hoping somebody, anybody, was out there to help her.
WASHU: Hell, Ginnyís gender changing like Ranma!
VEGETA: She uses Japanese grammar like him, too!
ANT: Someone must be there with a cold tap and a kettle, just laughing...
Ginny whipped out her wand and created
ANT: ...a delightful entree of prawn volovaunts, a fresh green salad and a strawberry meringue dessert!
WASHU: What the hell was that?
ANT: I really have no clue.
JAMES: Possessed by the vengeful spirit of Martha Stewart... what a way to go.
DEC: Ooo! Ooo! Can we shatter Spikeís perception of the world and his place in it by telling him who Joss Whedon is?
CAT: Not today, Dec, thatís what we do on Thursdays.
"I dare you to phone Buffy and say that
MEOWTH: Itís all a lie, the vampires were police actors, and sheís under arrest for mass homicide.
What was left for me? I no longer knew where I belonged,
CAT: A nunnery.
where I as supposed to be on this earth,
and what I was supposed to do when I got there.
SPIKE: Hunt Llamas while wearing a habit.
resulting in the Rebellion against God spoken in II Thessalonians Chapter 2.
CROW: Is that the part where humanity goes out and gets a nose ring?
and the survival of the fittest will become the law until the antichrist takes over the world.
JOEL: After that, it'll be survival of the cutest!
BUT THE RAPTURE WILL NOT OCCUR UNTIL THE UNIVERSE IS PROPERLY DISPLAYED
TOM: And *that* will not occur until God gets the vertical hold fixed.
a demon sword hangs at her side that hungers for souls, it wishes to kill! to tear! to rend!
CROW: The only sword that needs a psychiatrist...
TOM: Or a better writer. It sounds like a late night infomercial.
DarkStorm grins at Seraph, his hands flickering with a faint glow, as he turns to Jonthan "We don't want any trouble, boy...."
TOM: What we got here is a failure to communicate.
JOEL: What we got here is bad writing.
TOM: That's why it's so hard to communicate.
MIKE: (falls with a sickening thud)
TOM: Do you suppose we ought to do something?
CROW: What can we do? Unless we've got a manual called "E-Z Orgo Repair"...
And once again, acting before thinking, they stabbed each other.
CROW: (dismayed) Why don't they *look*?
"This stuff is hard, but not as hard as
MIKE: Not a word, Crow.
CROW: Drat. You're psychic, Mike.
"The opening is now sufficiently larger," reported the android.
CROW: He must be talking about the plot hole.
"I'll hide behind those steel enforced doors that say CAUTION, DO NOT ENTER on them," I said, not realizing what I had said.
TOM: I hate to see what this kid'll do when he runs into the doors marked "CAUTION, DO NOT LICK."
I had passed. I was now a true X-Man.
TOM: Tanned, toned, and Licensed To Whine.
This is a code red!
MIKE: As opposed to a code mauve, repeat, this is NOT a code mauve, so put your pants back on!
Soon, there were ten people standing up, claiming to be Rory Browne.
TOM: Several others stood up and claimed to be Spartacus, but they were ignored.
But he cant hear her.
MIKE: Because the apostrophe fell out of the fan-fic and into his EAR!
TOM: < very confused > Huh?
CROW: < looks at Mike > You are weird.
I'M NOT JOKING THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
BOBBY: (robotic voice) WE COME IN PEACE GIVE US YOUR WOMEN
The amoun and number
TOM: [confused] Hey, Mike, will you check under my seat? I think there's something stuck under it.
[Mike reaches under Servo's seat and pulls out a giant letter "T"]
TOM: Oh, so that's what was under there!
CROW: Anyone lose a "T"?
[MIKE waves the "T" around in the air and waits]
MIKE: I guess not. [tosses the "T" aside]
speeding away as fast as his short legs could carry him.
MIKE: You mean feet.
TOM: Don't correct the fanfic, Mike. It might not talk to us again.
"We have to get far away from Waddle Dee! To the Warp Star!"
TOM: To the Batmobile!
CROW: To the transporter!
MIKE: To the Batcave!
TOM: To the mayor's office!
MIKE: To .....hold on. Didn't Waddle Dee already run like a scared bunny?
TOM: To idiocy!
NYA'S HIDDEN PAST
TOM: If it's that she used to be a guy, I'm leaving.
CROW: I'm not.
"Let her go." Tiyakitna pleaded. "--Please," he added desperately.
TOM: How heroic.
CROW: That won't work. Pull out a gun.
He thought it over until he realized that Robotnik was just doing it to hurt Nya. That just made him angrier.
TOM: He's evil. Get used to it.
I named her Goldenfire."
CROW: Goldenfire Mandelbaum--fastest draw at the mah-jongg table!
MIKE: You wanna unpack that one for me, Crow?
CROW: Uh...I have no idea. Sorry.
The portal fed on itself, spreading out to a diameter of six feet.
CROW: If you feed on yourself, don't you get smaller?
TOM: Not if you're fattening.
She jumped to her feet suddenly, slamming her head on the ceiling.
TOM: Tall girl.
CROW: Low ceiling.
MIKE: Some things were never meant to go together.
MIKE: Eat at here.
"I suppose I owe you an explnation."
CROW: Or at least some vowels.
"While I've not lost my devotion to our Lord, I did give my life in his service.
MIKE: And it was rejected, apparently.
Simon waved her off, his nose buried in the menu.
CROW: Impressive, since he's had his head stuck up his--
Summary : Endora sent Darrin Stephens ahead 400 years, and caused Tom Paris to go back to 1971, with Samantha and Tabitha Stephens.
MIKE: Thinking he's the third Darrin, Samantha never even notices.
She raised a hand up to touch a breast through her uniform.
CROW: She suddenly panicked when she realized that the breast wasn't hers.
1:1 The word of the LORD that came to Joel the son of Pethuel.
TOM: The Lord told him, "Ye shall be a sleepy-eyed prop comic."
and they shall march every one on his ways, and they shall not break their ranks:
TOM: Oh, it's a Pride Parade.
2:8 Neither shall one thrust another;
CROW: Nope, it's *not* a Pride Parade.
Armed with this vital information,
TOM: *What* vital information? "Go spy on some guys who might be doing stuff"?
MIKE: Laugh all you want, Tom, but that's the Cold War in a nutshell.
There's never been a better time to pick up topless dancers.
MIKE: Than when?
TOM SERVO: Right now!
TOM SERVO: Nope, you missed it.
The Eleven Commandments of Courtship -
MIKE: Excuse me, R. Don Steele? God's on the phone. He wants to talk to you about infringement of copyright.
TOM: I request that that sentence be taken out and shot.
And he's so miserable up there, he creates these two robot friends, Crow and Tom Servo, to watch with him and ridicule the films.
TOM: You know, of course, that's not true. It was the other way around. WE made HIM.
MIKE: I don't believe you.
CROW: It's true. It really is.
BloodLines: The Calling
MIKE: Um. Wait a minute. That's not the title of "Phantom Tollbooth".
CROW: Yeah, the title of "Phantom Tollbooth" is a lot different than that.
TOM: Jeez, I'd blink if I had eyes.
MIKE: Just because it's a bad pun doesn't mean it's okay.
MIKE: No applause necessary.
TOM: No applause possible. My arms don't work.
No sir, I'm the barber. Hal is normally here, but he's helping with the fire.
MIKE: I can't believe that line wasn't one of ours!
He'd just been voted Chapel Hill's Confederate son for the second year in a row.
TOM: He does a good job keeping down the darkies.
MIKE: One of these days someone's not going to be able to tell you're joking, and then where will you be?
TOM: Still stuck up here on this satellite with you.
MIKE: I've gone to find myself. If I should happen to return while I am out, please tell me to stay until I get back.
Oh yeah, maybe Tunguska a little, but not really, cause everyone knows that thing with Alex Krycek's arm, was all just a big joke
MIKE: (as Krycek) Ha ha, very funny guys, now where's my arm?
I personally love Alex Krycek (he'll always be first!),
MIKE: Probably not in wrestling competitions...
TOM: ...or violin playing...
CROW: ...or driving a stick shift.
He pulled out his gun and felt like in a James Bond movie where you knew there was someone hiding behind the door,
TOM: Oh, the soundtrack tipped him off.
TOM: HELP ME BEVERLY-WAN CRUSHER... YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.
MIKE: Hey, that's cool. How do you do that?
TOM: WHAT, THIS?
TOM: Hold my CAPS LOCK key down.
MIKE: This is no time for glib rejoinders! I think Servo's dead!
MIKE: You don't really need the rest of us at all, do you?
CROW: Nope! I'm your one-stop robot serving all your comedy needs.
The pyramid sprang to life with a deafening hum.
MIKE: Aah! I'm deafened!
TOM: Didn't it know the words?
"The Fighter Carrier Stargazer chose to enter the battle from behind the moon. A tactic that served it well."
TOM: Let's just sit here and admire the beauty.
CROW: "Enter the battle from behind the moon."
MIKE: Straight lines that pure and innocent are rarely seen outside of captivity.
CROW: Take only pictures, guys, and leave only footprints.
Jackie was of the private opinion that it looked nice on Nick.
TOM: Tom was of the public opinion that the word "thought" would have come in pretty damn handy in that sentence.
"I just want to ... I need to be ready. Know some stuff," he finished lamely.
FRODO: I've never seen anyone maimed by a sentence before...
Another sound, the same one: an echoing CRACK. He stopped, concerned.
STRIDER: < Tails > Why am I hearing so many illegal drugs?
He ran fast,
FRODO: Um... sir, you dropped an adverb.
STRIDER: Oh, there you guys are! Why do you keep running off like that?
SAM: Um... we've got happy feet?
The forest said "yes" for him.
STRIDER: No, actually, that's the Lorax. He speaks for the trees, you know.
FRODO: Wow! Does he say "hoom" a lot?
STRIDER: Well, no, not really...
FRODO: What?! He must be a fraud!
SAM: < Nazgul > You are hereby booted out of the forces of evil because, dangit, your name's just too goofy...
I bit my lip, then straightened my shoulders.
CROW: (Janeway) I thought to myself, "Maybe you should be putting more thought into running the ship and less into basic fine motor skills."
FRODO! ("Face my wrath, fanfic! Assuming that's OK with you...")
STRIDER: The Crimson Lords. Our motto: You can get any uniform color you want, as long as it's red.
Glory to the Crimson Empire!
SAM: Glory and... mocking at the hands of hobbits!
I walk free among the wilderness
Yet why am I behind bars?
TOM: Well, Protagonist Girl, when you commit all those Class A felonies...
She did her usual morning rituals,
MIKE: The Reading of the Sacred Newspaper, the Sugaring and Creaming of the Venerable Coffee, the Application of Lox and Cream Cheese to the Most Holy Bagel...
"Ah, the Sleeping Eros awakes at last," she said, jokingly sarcastic.
MIKE: The real Eros, not getting the joke, impales both of them on a barbed arrow.
CROW: Tom?! You can still talk with your head disconnected??
TOM: Yep! But only in really extenuating circumstances.
Katiraís shade disappeared, while the corpse took its place.
TOM: Eww, meat puppet city!
MIKE: Hi there, DarkTom.
"Not really. Good to see you again. What's up? What the hell are you doing here?" inquired Joseph.
CROW: [as Joseph] My personalities have all spoken.
6) I WILL LIE, CHEAT, STEAL, AND PAY FOR A VOTE IN MY FAVOR.
MIKE: See, that's how you tell he's a Republican.
While climbing the stairs, poor Sam
SAM: Hey! My family and I never sunk below lower middle class!
FRODO: I like you proles. You're silly.
they once again encounter Gollum,
FRODO: The bad news is that Gollum was following us. The good news is that we had a groupie!
SAM: Has anyone ever told you that you get stupid when you try to be optimistic?
Inside Mount Doom, Frodo slips the Ring on and becomes invisible.
SAM: I notice the whole megalomania thing was tastefully left unmentioned.
FRODO: Youíll die for that, peon!
gave a bag of gold to Sam,
SAM: I never did quite make sense of that. Do I look dwarfy, or what?
FRODO: I donít know. Say Ďthudí.
FRODO: No, not particularly dwarfy. You canít thud right.
Almost as a surprise to himself Morg pushed the pain from his limbs and mind with the same mental techniques he had used countless times before
CROW: Wait, he was surprised by something he's done *countless* times before?
TOM: Maybe he can't count.
CROW: Maybe he's just easily surprised.
CROW: [Albuquerque] I'm awake, I'm awake! Dear god, I'm covered in rabbit holes.
MIKE: Great. It's the JJJ.
TOM: Yep, they intimidate people by burning croissants in front of their houses.
TOM: [from under his seat] Hahahaha, look at that - all love, joy and goodness in the universe just died! How quaint!
Now alarmed Chakotay checked the chronometer.
TOM: He shut off the alarm; now was no time for his lesson on comma placement.
He paused for a moment then added "Dog Watch to the Bridge."
TOM: What's a dog watch?
CROW: You know; like a watchdog, but backwards.
JOEL: So it's an animal that lets criminals into your house?
"Fifty fewer left than boarded, Sir!" Carver declared after a check.
"Any reason for the discrepancy?"
TOM: Some stayed rather than left.
CROW: Our next news update: yes, two plus two -is- four.
Rolling to spot where she could identify where that shot came from she saw another open grill.
JOEL: [the Count] Two! Two open grills!
TOM: You had a weird childhood.
making her duck down again.
CROW: You don't get down from a duck, you get down ... oh. Dang.
JOEL: I just live in this body; I didn't say I could do stuff with it.
He sank to the ground dizzy from the excruciating burning sensation
CROW: But it's just his -hand-! And a grazing shot, at that!
TOM: Maybe he was hit in ... you know. A sensitive area.
CROW: So his species' gonads are located near his hands?
TOM: Most are.
Without shields and sensors Voyager was almost defenceless and blind.
JOEL: Well, they can always look out a window.
TOM: And defend themselves how?
JOEL: Running away. Terribly fast.
He did not like terms like 'I think' and 'No', they did not exist.
JOEL: So the Colonel can't say no?
CROW: Joel, I'm ... I'm so proud.
JOEL: Erm ... uh ... *Joel*!
JOEL: What? What'd I say?
JOEL: You know! No RAMchips for a month!
CROW: That was really creepy, Joel.
BOTH JOELS: Thank you.
Winston fired its phasers,
CROW: Dammit, Winston has lost his sex, too.
TOM: Should we look for it as we might a contact?
JOEL: [Winston] Nobody move! I've just lost my gender!
CROW: If a hologram isn't a hologram in that it isn't hologrammatic, but is still around, what does that make it?
TOM: Apparently, a headache.
Subject: *Increase Sales w/4 Powerful Words
CROW: I have a gun?
CROW: I now pronounce you man and psychosis. You may kiss your sanity goodbye.
Summary: Krycek finally snaps and goes after Mulder.
TOM: Until then, he'd just been standing there with middle finger and thumb an inch or so apart.
Sometimes I don't know if I want to hit you or fuck you. Or both.
TOM: Or just go get a salad.
They walked down the path untill the came to a fork in the road.
CROW: Insert obvious "spoon" joke here.
Then they were stopped by a man in a blue spandex with a blue face mask
CROW: Insert really obvious "SPOOOOOON" joke here.
TOM: That's not a word, that's an exercise in gratuitous vowels.
Rogue, half blinded by tears, had taken off both of her gloves. "Youwant us??" she screamed, lunging at him. "Come and get me!"
TOM: And when Rogue says "us" she really does mean "me!"
JOEL: There's a party in her head, and everyone's invited!
Superman told us that LV-S doors can be only by Superman, Supergirl, Krypto or one of his Superman robots.
MIKE: Or Colin Mochrie. No one knows why.
You thought Dog Distortion was wierd!
CROW: We did?
MIKE: Well, we're pretty sure the dog did.
Picard has assumed command of the flagship of the Federation.
TOM: Jean-Luc has learned well from his daughter, I see...
MIKE: I guess he doesn't know that when you "assume" command, you make an ass out of "u" and command.
an evil mind! I thought I fleetingly felt something earlier, but wasn't sure. . .
CROW: Was it a grave disturbance, like a million souls cried out and were suddenly silenced? I get that when I eat clams.
TOM: My fear of death is alleviated by the newly learned fact that you get coffee breaks.
CROW: Um, does anybody remember that the last time someone started a German-Japanese friendship program, it caused nothing but trouble?
TOM: I'm trying to work a backgammon reference here, but it's just too dang complicated.
TOM: [To the coffee maker] Hey, babe. Does heaven know one of their angels is missing? Heh, heh.
MIKE: Tom. It's a coffee maker. We've discussed this before.
TOM: Mike, she's just playing hard to get.
CROW: Hey, that reminds me. If we were to cook Mike and eat him, that wouldn't technically be cannibalism, would it?
TOM: Not as such, but it would be a fairly serious breach of etiquette.
"Allow me to introduce myself." The warrior said, throwing a dagger with a quartz handle into the middle of the battlefield. "That's my business card."
TOM: [Ryan] It's hard to read.
Subject: BOOST YOUR SEX APPEAL AND CHANGE YOUR SOCIAL AND SEX LIFE FOREVER.
CROW: ....I guess it works, it gave the keyboard a hard-on.
"There was some sort of explosion at the bank downtown. Twin Peaks lost a lot of good people there that day."
MIKE: I'm telling you, they were right there a minute ago!
SERVO: Honestly, if you're not losing the car keys, it's a bank full of good people!
Avon had thought that by returning this machine he could do some good, and somehow make amends for all the wrongs he had done.
ORAC: Why would he want to do that?
JOEL: Because he's out of character.
Avon sat up a bit, resting on the least injured of his arms.
CROW: How many does he have?
TOM: Don't you know? Avon is secretly Shiva.
ORAC: That would explain why he keeps destroying things.
"You donít scare us!" lied RocketMan #2, withdrawing his firearm full of missiles
DEC: From the bank that likes to say 'KILL!!!'
MM was still there an heíd attack again.
RON: Spelling riff?
ANT: Cheap and tacky.
RON: Your department then.
Their objective was the decommissioned USS Eagle NCC-956.
TOM: In space no one can hear you ride through the desert on a horse with no name.
You see, if we take one hundred men and one hundred women and put them in a room, them we'll have fifty Aryan children, therefore it follows logically that you should sleep with me.
Adol: That's a weird pick-up line. (takes out some paper) Better write it down.
I am but a pawn
Adol: A shrimp! No, that's prawn.
I never belonged to Team Rocket in the first place and I need to find Jenny."
ANT: You may have some luck with the number 867-5309.
Erika went in front of Jenny, Wizardmon was behind her, Auramon was behind Wizzy, and Gatomon was behind Auramon.
XANDER: Sadly, Gatomon had the bare-faced audacity to attempt to bring nail scissors onto the flight, and they had to cancel the whole trip...
"I want to digivolve," said the first Magemon.
"Me too," said the second.
XANDER: This much conversation exhausting them, the Magemons returned to their bong.
Auramon finally made it out of the desert into a rainforest
VEGETA: *looking down at feet, talking deliriously* Sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, sand, verdant fauna...
Just then Perry White enters. He's tells everyone, he found the Beast.
MIKE: Wisely, he had refused to take its mark on his hand or forehead.
It turned out Amelia was a big fan of ER,
MAGIC VOICE: Setting her apart from the twenty million bored and uninterested viewers of the show.
MAGIC VOICE: I thought so at the time.
GYPSY: Please don't put these things in my head. It's such a happy head! It doesn't need this.
Duo suddenly turned chibi and left his restraints, and headed home.
TROWA [Duo]: Boy, I hate it when Heero rapes me. Hey, do I smell hot wings?
How we lost sight of our heritage, I don't know.
CROW: I think we left it unlocked with the motor running.
MYKE: [Teenager] Boy, dad's gonna kill you, Butch - you lost sight of his Heritage!
[Legolas] stood looking to the skies bright stars as to look for an answer from the ancient elves of days past.
Legolas: I am an ancient elf of days past.
He then jumped back at the sight of her gleeming eye and smile, as her arrow lowered from being aimed at his heart, to below his belt. "Just remember, dwarf. You damned your elf friend, not I."
Legolas: Sweet Gay Eru. Tell me she did not just do what I think she did.
A: She certainly didnít just point that arrow at your crotch.
C: And youíre certainly not about to drop your weapons and surrender unconditionally. Nope.
"Ensign Yarigato! Ensign Rebecca,
Mike: Why is one being called by her first name?
Tom: Ironically enough, Ensign Rebecca's first name is Smith.
Hakkai: Do not taunt Happy Fun Mary Sue.
Hakkai: Well, so long as she doesn't start elaborating on his cod piece, we should be ok.
Sanzo: Hakkai, just when I start thinking of you as fairly benign, things like that come flying out of your mouth.
Hakkai: Ahahahaha. Well...