Quotes from Fandom and Fanfic

Fandom | Fanfic

Fandom Quotes

"Callum Keith Rennie has no ass. This is not cause for alarm; it is cause for a search party."
Things We Learned From Bindlestitch

"...Tyr deliberately let go so he could pull Höhne inside and shut the door. Sure, it looked like Tyr had risked his life to save Höhne’s, but he probably just wanted to get the doorway clear so he could close it. Thinking things like that probably lets him sleep a just Nietzschean sleep at night."
-Viridian5, on the Andromeda ep "Ouroboros"

"Okay, they can't kill him. I know, it's Farscape. But they can't kill Crichton. They've run out of spares."

"That expanse of exposed abdomen in Callisto's armor practically screams, 'Disembowel me!' Impractical as it is, at least Xena's armor affords protection over a few vital areas. Gabrielle's costume, of course, offers no protection whatsover, serves no practical purpose, and practically screams, 'God, I love my Stairmaster!'"
-Jacqueline, Chakram magazine

"The gratuitous cussing from dS ended up in HCL. The gratuitous bondage scenes from HCL ended up in dS. If anyone finds the gratuitous sex scenes from any of the above, contact us ASAP."
-Things We Learned From Bindlestitch

"...and Joss did look upon his works, and did think they were good, 'cause let's face it, Joss thinks A LOT of himself, yea, and he did read the multitudes speaking unto him that he was ratings whore who had run out of ideas, and that was less good, but he spake to them thus:
'Dudes. Chill.'"
-Joss Whedon on the Bronze posting board

"Five-minute-long gratuitous car chases taste like bacon. Bite into one and see."
-Things We Learned From Bindlestitch

"I can't imagine Riley psychoanalysing a tomato."
-Marysia on alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer

"We're Buffy fen. We eat unannounced alternate realities for breakfast."
-Val of SunS

"How the hell do you hide a Crusade?"
-random a.t.b-v-s poster

"Yea, verily, did Riley sucketh mightily and act skankily besides."
-random a.t.b-v-s poster

"It's like every time you turn on the TV, there [Xena] is with her bangs. Which throws me out of it, anachronistically, because I don't believe they would've had bangs back then."
-Janeane Garofalo

"Wolverine's always struck me as a 'Hey, what does that button do?' kinda guy...."
-random a.t.b-v-s poster

"I was trying to convince her of the joy that is Merry/Pippin. She says 'incest-squick,' whereas I say 'cute-hobbits-exclamation-mark.' It's a heated debate. In any case, I was thinking about it, and I've decided that the problem I do have with M/P is the sex. I'm just not sure that hobbits *have* sex. I get the feeling that they lie about on the grass fully clothed and pick flowers in the sunshine, and that's how they reproduce. With hobbit-pollen. Like wheat germ."
-random LOTR fan

"Hey, Aeryn's gorgeous -- she can change any guy's tune. She can also change 'im from tenor to soprano, but that's beside the point."

"You're talking to two guys who made their careers on buddy movies. Buddy cop movies are love stories with two guys who carry guns."
-Al Gough re: Smallville

"And Wesley: Really, you got your throat slit? Did you hear about Lana's parents?"
-queenb, on the TWoP forums

"I think it's entirely possible that we might try to fool people hell bent on spoiling our season. We're deceptive people. We promote sex and violence and the occult. Frankly, we're just not good seeds."
-Drew Goddard on Buffy

"Dylan says that he didn't, because he remembered something else his mother used to tell him, which is that all that glitters isn't gold. Somewhere, _Smallville_'s Clark Kent is wondering how this space captain is channeling his dad."

>> I think [John and D'Argo] are gay lovers.
>As opposed to what? Straight lovers??
Redundancy is my co-pilot.
-Jim Larson and JeRC, alt.tv.farscape

"psiren and sf fan- now I have this picture of the Global execs saying, 'Warning? What for? They've seen worse in kids' hockey games.' I feel so butch. Rrar! More ears! Wait, no, never mind."
-justjoan, TWoP forums (re: the Firefly ep "War Stories")

"I think Adam Baldwin is in for a big shock if he ever makes it out to a sci-fi convention."
"The way that line is forming over yonder, the shock will be if Mr. Baldwin gets *out of* his first sci-fi convention... "
-Shack and Sandman on Jaynelust, TWoP forums

"Apparently, if you pick Harper up and *choke* him he just wraps his legs around your waist and keeps punching you. I find that kind of talent impressive. I need to see more of that. I think it's good to know that if you pick him up by his neck, his instinct is to wrap his legs around your waist.
"Uhm. Back now."

"He's a quirky fellow, he, uh... his inner child has been beaten."
-Nathan Fillion re: Malcolm Reynolds

"It's amazing how much guys change when they've got a gun in their hands. [Crichton] still might shoot himself in the foot, but he's gonna do it with authority."
-elishavah, on the Farscape premiere

"We want our stupid, stupid audience to get everything, so we’ll be bludgeoning them over the head with it. 'Trance has plans! Plans, I tell you!'
"But only one outfit!"

"Actually, I'd prefer if they keep him an 'unknown factor'. I like the air of danger that surrounds him. I hope they don't let him headline a 'very special episode' where we discover the big guy has a big heart..."
"....unless it's in a jar in his room."
-Ravencall and tobey re: Jayne, TWoP forum

"I can't even take him seriously when I'm writing him. He's so cute when he's being melodramatic."
-Aoe, on writing Aya

"The last scene is this soppy thing about how Beka can't feel her dad's spirit in the Maru anymore and Dylan says that her dad is still in her heart, tapping her chest... in a friendly, comforting way. Jeez. When Dylan isn't grabbing Beka by the shoulders or touching her chest, he's taking advantage of Harper. Is he Captain Bad Touch or what? Karra's calling him 'Captain Sexual Harassment Suit.' In my head, Beka said, 'No, Dylan, my father doesn't live on in my left breast.'"

"Um, if T'raltixx is blind, why is he in the business of building invisibility devices? How would he know if one worked?"
-elishavah re: Farscape

"These men you see have one thing in common: their lives are in the gutter. The one on the left is face down."
-Persia, Weiß Kreuz dubbing outtakes

"So much ado over nothing. Everybody knows that God loves slash; that's why he gave us Karl Urban."
-Caroline Crane

"I'm putting my crossbow down and going home!"
-Omi, Weiß Kreuz dubbing outtakes

"[Being pretty is] all they got going for 'em in the end. 'Ah, shit's getting bad. We'd better leave. We might lose beauty sleep.'"
-Kli on Tolkien's elves

"Though his pants are tight, his heart is the heart of a bitter, wounded child."
-Unovis on Mal (and, by extension, Tyr)

"Scorpius says in an absent tone, 'I know that.' Crichton's eyes sharpen and he turns his head slowly to level a look at Scorpius, who raises his chin defensively while muttering to himself, 'Out loud voice, damn it, I used the out loud voice.'"

"I enjoy foreseeing the future at times, taunting the kittens over the net, and wishing mom would send me some cookies.."
-Brad Crawford's LJ bio

"Why would anyone religious Mary Sue themselves into the Bible? I mean, I know God is loving and all, but only 2000 years ago he was a vengeful, angry god. Do we REALLY want to push it?"

"There are several million cops named Ray, and they're all having sex with one another. Occasionally, they let the Mountie join in, but quite possibly only because he's in uniform and the Mountie title is situationally appropriate. There's a wolf running around, but I don't think he's involved with the Ray orgies. Unless there's something no one's told me about."
-Troll Princess's summary of Due South

"Dee realizes that's some kind of half-assed confession and says, 'aww, that's so sweet!' then tells Ryo that he has no intention of having an in the closet relationship. Let's be honest for a moment here -- I don't think Dee is even familiar with what the inside of the closet looks like."
-Velvet Venus, on a bad FAKE fic

"Kerfuffles and flamewars and general asshattednes has been around since the days when Lilith wrote Cain/Abel and posted it to alt.religion.stories.bible.goingtohellnow and it'll be around long after."
-The Brat Queen

Found on the desk of Sirius Black:
To Do
Protect Harry
Flee Dementors
New shock absorbers for motorcycle
Tell another one of those Potter girls about her Twu Identity
Sex with Remus
Flea dip
Plot destruction of Dark Lord

-The Empress of Ice Cream

"Don't hurt Nagi-*kun*. That kills me. Somebody's been talking to somebody when a lot of other somebodies weren't noticing."
-Viridian5, re: Omi and Nagi's relationship in Glühen

"Don't trust anyone in authority, especially if there's a chance they ate your family."
-Troll Princess, on things she learned from watching Underworld

"She's Ginny's best friend. And Draco likes her, according to Ginny. How the Ginny would know this, I don't know.
Perhaps it went something like this:
Draco: Hah! I mock you, small Weasley! Your family is poor and you are ugly! Oh, and by the way I have a huge crush on your friend.
Ginny: ..........What?"
-Neev, at the Mary Sue Report

"Persia gives them the gist of the situation, the players involved, and rallies their spirits with a gruff 'Deny these dark beasts their tomorrows!' Weiss never seem to find this war cry as amusing as I do, but I suppose it's good they take their work seriously."
-Jenny Penny, performing the thankless task of summarizing Weiß Kreuz

"Just had the most bizarre image of Omi from WK saying 'Do you have any idea how hard it is to find contact lenses that fit?'. I suppose it's a valid problem."

"I think it's because he has red hair and dresses in that *sigh* slightly... unflattering... green jacket. Everyone has the subconscious idea that he's a leprechaun."
-Jongleur, on why people think Schuldig has green eyes

"This Farfarello is intelligent and extremely funny, which makes him all the more frightening. He'd be fun to go to dinner with, except for the fact that he'd try to kill you during the tiramisu."
-Erica re: Viridian5's story "Nerve"

"[Johnny Depp] also said, 'I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion because of the look it leaves on my face,' which I think was the quote that inspired Orlando Bloom to get into acting."

"And the fandom spake unto MsAllegro, 'yay, you hath been touched in the wit.' Then spake MsAllegro unto the fandom, 'let my people go;' and the fandom sayeth unto MsAllegro, 'gladly'...."

"Yes, the FBI no doubt has in-house people and other consultants and, yeah, maybe this just pushes the plausibility question back to 'Why aren't Don and his team familiar with those people?'"
"Well, the thing is, they are. Just, Don's a little too familiar with one or two of them, and, well, let's just say it would have been nice if Don had thought to call afterwards."
-Dira Sudis and strangecobwebs discuss the plausibility of Numb3rs

"If the doctor says I have a broken foot, I'm not gonna go looking for the poltergeist that's haunting my toe."
-Anna, in a vaguely Supernatural-related context

"Locke notices the homemade magnet: 'I haven't seen one of those since I was a weebalo.' Sayid's like, 'A whatthefuck? What does a weebalo do?' I dunno, wobbalo but never fall downalo?"
-Cleolinda recaps Lost

"Remus Lupin ... Is a walking chocolate dispenser and therefore probably cannot understand why he doesn't have more friends."
-Troll Princess

"One manslut, under Schuldig, with PWP and buttsex for all."
-Cosmo re: Yohji

"So the ceiling of the church opens into Hell? How does that work?"
"You know, they took out the asbestos, but they weren't sure how to deal with the Hell."
-Blank and Kli try to parse Witchblade

"Who thought up this language and what were they smoking/inhaling/injecting/beating themselves over the head with while they were at it?"
-Nagi ponders the English language

"John is perfectly comfortable with women as long as nobody expects him to relate to them on any emotional level. Which is why I feel sorry for Teyla, who periodically has to hug him for medical reasons."
-Resonant on SGA

"Somehow, I have this vague, unsubstantiated hunch that MANY of us are not paragons of fitness. It's this theory I have, based partially on the fact that science has not yet perfected the jogging-enabled laptop."
-Kalpurna on fandom in general

"I am disturbed less by the hot woman dressed as a tree and more by the knowledge that, at this moment, somebody could be in my backyard, humping a Southern pine."
-donna re: Jabe from Doctor Who

And then Copperbadge starts watching SGA...

"Why is all this Ancient technology apparently based on the concept of the rotary telephone? Seriously, the wisdom of the ages and they can't get to touchtone? We managed it, and we were all stuck in the 1980s at the time."

"I find myself to my fucking horror shipping McKay/Weir. Which might break the laws of physics, given his speed and her inertia."

"Doctor Haggis McKilterscot, I was totally going to give you your name back in this episode, and then despite the fact that you were wearing a radio you actually ran to the gateroom to pass along the news that a homicidal maniac was loose in the city. NO NAME FOR YOU."

"I like the idea that somewhere in McKay's computer there is a little program that calculates his daily average radiation exposure and keeps a running tally. Encourage his neuroses! Also, he's a big mad scientist, isn't he? He homebrews sunscreen. I dread to think what would happen if he used his powers for evil instead of SPF."

"Hello there, unexpected Sheppard/Ronon D/s. Nice to meet you. In a collar and stuff."

"David Hewlett is very good at falling down. Also, ranting. I would very much like to see him and Hugh Laurie do sketch comedy together. Lots of falling and ranting."

"Seriously, when Ronon is giving you advice about how to conduct your scientific inquiries, you know you're in trouble. The man had to be pointed at forks."

"One of the arguably nice things about SGA is that future plot arcs are at least hard to predict, because apparently nobody told these guys about foreshadowing."

Fanfic Quotes

"I mean, face it, Lieutenant--that tuna casserole thing just smells like Fraser."
"You're saying that Fraser smells like--?"
"I'm saying it's a Fraser kind of plan! Diabolical and nutritious!"
-Kowalski and Welsh, "Chicago's Most Wanted" by Speranza

Talking to Casey is like those conversations between NASA's ground control and the astronauts. Even when we're both sober, there's this two second delay and we're always checking in.
-Dan, "Vaguely Gay" by Miriam Heddy

Bodie found himself the center of attention. Although he had adjusted early in life to the fact that he was indeed the center of the universe, it wasn't often the lesser beings realized their subservient status.
-"Fly On the Wall" by Lezlie Conch

"But Buffy's still dead. You're still dead, right?"
"As a doornail. But I walk and I talk-"
"Do you make Julienne fries, too?"
"-And I wonder why I haven't staked Spike yet."
-Willow, Buffy, and Spike, "Elaisias" by Saber Shadowkat

[Angel] was trying for 'patient', but he was well aware that it was coming over as 'mental patient.' Which was par for the course, with Spike in spitting distance. Two complete psychos together. Add in Drusilla, and you'd have a nice box of assorted nuts.
-"Friends and Family" by Forged

"I am gonna catch that bastard or my name isn't--FUCK!"
-Kowalski, "Chicago's Most Wanted" by Speranza

Somehow, I knew that facing my wrath wasn't going to scare Logan. He had faced wrath before, and it had faced him. And he had growled at it, and it was run away squealing for mommy.
-Jubilee, "When Milk Goes Bad, and Other Reality TV Shows" by Troll Princess

It was all good and well to talk of eternal love and conquering the bad guys to marry the lady, but in real life, the idea of a relationship had to include common interests. And common century.
-"Of Chainsaws and Shotguns..." by DeBrabant

"Do you know what the death rate in this city is?"
"One per person?"
-Benson and O'Malley, "Second Skin" by AJ

"You have rebellious lips."
"I do? Do they have a slogan?"
"'Down with the regime of the facial muscles'."
"That's a damn good slogan."
-Willow and Xander, "Cicatrix" by Debchan, The Spike, and Te

Even with my eyes closed, I could hear the faint slap as one of them whacked the other--probably Ray hitting Ray, if I knew my Rays, which I did. In a moment, I decided, I would break both their heads.
-Fraser, "Enduring Distance" by Speranza

Pippin's Journal
Eastern shore of the Anduin, February 26, 3019
Ow. Ow. Ow. Had a truly rotten day. Don't feel like writing. Say look, a talking tree--
-"Nine Men and a Little Lady" by Kielle

Avon didn't suffer fools lightly. In his heart, he knew everyone in the Galaxy was of baser intelligence compared to *himself*. That explained quite nicely why he was such a perfect picture of a misanthrope. That, and years of practicing his menacing glare in front of the mirror.
-"Cream" by Emma Scot

"What was the 4 a.m. thing all about, anyway?"
"I had to fight a minion of Satan who looked like my dead father. How was your day?"
"The Satan?"
"'The' Satan? How many other Satans do you know?"
"Could just be a guy with pretensions. The Witchblade seems to draw pretentious guys. Stop looking at me like that."
-Gabriel and Sara, "Alone" by Viridian5

"You wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you on the ass," Crawford muttered irritably.
"Sure I would," Schuldig replied. "Although I’d be damned surprised to find an abstract concept chewing on my butt."
-"Deep Inside of You" by Aoe

"How are you supposed to continue the Anasazi line if nobody can get you out of your damned pants?"
-Harper to Tyr, "Fine" by Viridian5

"Come on - think! It's the perfect opportunity for another of my," he paused for drama and lowered his voice, "special pranks."
"You do remember the last one, do you? The one where you ended up kissing Snape?"
Sirius' smile dropped. "We. Do. Not. Speak. Of. This."
-"A Hogwarts Paranoia" by Mi

Aziraphale peered at him.
"My dear boy," he said, "have you ever known our people to be able to tell a joke?"
"Er." Crowley scratched the back of his neck. "The platypus was rather funny, I thought."
-"It's A Kind of Magic" by Moony

"Ray, listen to me. I talked this over with my father--"
"Your father's dead, Fraser."
"Yes, I know. But that hasn't stopped him from giving me the occasional piece of advice. My father said--"
"Wait, wait, run that by me again. Your father, who's dead--"
"--is giving you advice about your relationship with me?"
"I don't understand."
"My father is like the Love of God. He passeth all understanding."
-Fraser and Kowalski, "Interrogation" by Speranza

[Spike] had mostly either forgotten or simply not cared about Willow's demon-ness, and was mentally working out a wedding invitation list. Since he'd killed most of the people he knew, it wasn't a long one.
-"Vengeance is a Dish Best Served Extra Flamey" by Kojiro

Partners in CI5 protected each other from danger and other CI5 agents.
-"Fly On the Wall" by Lezlie Conch

"Hey, Iolaus, is the going rate to cross the Styx still the same?"
"I don't know. Charon won't let me on the boat anymore because of the time I gave the tour."
-Jason and Iolaus, "When Hellmouths Collide" by Kimberley Rector and Martha Wilson

Hah! [Methos] just won a five dollar bet with himself. Part of him was highly annoyed. Another part was gloating. He reminded himself to pay himself when he got back to the room. He also reminded himself that he should really do something about this closet schizophrenia. Part of him told him to go to hell. He couldn't tell which part.
-"Time To Spare" by Catherine Boone

"Ah don't like him."
"Why not? He's cute."
"He smells like gasoline."
"So? He can shower."
"No, he can't. We took the instructions off the soap."
-Rogue and Jubilee, "All Foam, No Beer" by Troll Princess

The up side of surrealism--and God knows their work had given him enough reason to appreciate it--was that it secured a priceless politeness on Fraser's face. Sort of a "don't mind me, I go to Mars all the time, what lovely heads you have" look.
-"Chance Met" by xoverau

He bit the end off the sentence, but it was too late. He could blame the headache. In fact, Tarrant thought, he must have a concussion. Featuring just below Servalan, Blake, and hey-remember-the-time-you-lost-Liberator on the list of topics not to raise with Avon was age.
-"...And What Happened After" by Manna

Moral dilemmas not being his strong point--he could identify one if it was a multiple guess test--Bodie nevertheless threw himself into this one.
-"Fly On the Wall" by Lezlie Conch

"Uh, why does the dog need a vacation again?"
"He says he's never had one, which is correct, though I fail to see why he needs one."
-Kowalski and Fraser, "Getting Warmer" by Viridian5

RHADE: Suddenly I have the terrible feeling that my daughter's run out on me to marry a Magog, and I should raise the whole city and make a fuss.
HARPER: That's just the exposition talking.
-"Revthello, the Magog of Tarn-Vedra" by Robert John Burke

"Fair? Vampire, Tracy, vampire. Not umpire. You gotta get it straight some day."
-Vachon, "House Call 6 (Sauce for the Goose)" by Apache

"I'm suddenly getting frightening mental images of what you do in here."
"One, I get excited about what I do for a living. Two, how do you think I get machines to behave so nice for me?"
"If your work is sexually harassing you--"
"It's consensual, I swear."
-Dylan and Harper discuss machine lube, "System Checks" by Viridian5

"Hey, guess who I found!"
"Jesus? I hear he’s always in the last place you look."
-Ken and Yohji, "Embracing the Shadows" by Aoe

Bloody hell on toast, how the love of all his lives could whine, Spike thought, then mentally reminded himself that he'd always liked the high-maintenance ones.
-"Ch-ch-changes" by Lori

"I never needed as much justification for doing my job as you people did. As assassins, you made really good florists."
-Schuldig, "New World Order" by Aoe

"Your halo's crooked."
"I prefer to think of it as 'jaunty'."
-Beka and Harper, "You Say" by Viridian5

"It's *magic*," croaked Crowley. "And that goes against everything we - you - stand for."
Crowley didn't stand for much. If anything, he would occasionally recline, with disinterest.
-"It's A Kind of Magic" by Moony

"Ohtto," said the Kappa. "Had you not added those last words I would have been a friend to you forever and shared all my beer with you, and so I will do. But now I will also call you rude names five times a day, and pester you for a light every time I smoke, and you will be hard put to keep me out of your pants."
-"The Sanzou Who Walked By Himself" by mjj

I glared at him, which seemed to do nothing to dampen his mood. Suck a man's cock now and again and you completely lose power to daunt him with a raised eyebrow.
-"Fool" by Kass

Logan off on grand adventure to find his past. Took Scott's bike. And, if sound coming from Scott's bedroom is any indiction, also took his pride and joy, his baby, the love of his life, the only thing that keeps him truly happy, and any semblance of his manhood.
-"The Xavier Mansion Diaries: Bobby Drake" by Troll Princess

"If you're looking for tips on skinning your victims while still keeping them alive, I'm your man. If you want personal hair care tips, I'm here for you. Anything else and you're on your own."
-Schuldig, "With Friends Like These" by Truth

"Well, forgive me if I don't meet your high Canadian standards. Maybe you people do Pitch-Dark Chess or Midnight Monopoly or something, but where I come from there's only two things to do in the dark, and one of 'em you sure as hell don't wanna be doing with me."
"No, it's true, you do snore rather loudly."
-Kowalski and Fraser, "In The Dark" by Resonant

"So, lemme get t'is straight. You nutters go out in public in black leat'er and call yerselves the EX-Men like a gang o'bleedin' transsexuals, and t'ere are people out t'ere who willin'ly give you t'eir children?"
-Mick, "All Foam, No Beer" by Troll Princess

"Of course," Bodie echoed weakly. Besides having an evil twin, it appeared he also had a gay triplet.
-"Fly On the Wall" by Lezlie Conch

"You're saying I'm Canadian. I don't feel Canadian."
"What do you mean--feel Canadian? What does it feel like to be Canadian?"
"I don't know. But wouldn't I know if I was?"
"Apparently not!"
-Amnesiac!Fraser and Kowalski, "Chicago's Most Wanted" by Speranza

"Should I be caring about this right now?"
"You should if you don't want Dana in a state."
"Any state but this one."
-Casey and Dan, "I Got Rhythm" by Miriam Heddy

"You’re an ass."
"Shh! God is listening."
"He already knows you’re an ass."
-Jei and Schuldig, "New World Order" by Aoe

Sometimes I wish I could be like one of Lex’s designer water bottles: cool and blue and smooth and with Lex’s mouth wrapped around me and, wow, did that comparison get away from me.
-Clark, "The Very Secret Thoughts of Clark Kent" by Viridian5

"The things I do for sex. Wolf hair on the bed, wolf hair on the couch, Twinkies in the wolf...."
-Kowalski, "Outage" by M. Fae Glasgow

Yohji’s expression tightened as he stared down at Omi’s wide, serious blue eyes. ‘We need to talk’ was his least favorite phrase, ranking just above ‘I’m going to have to kill you now’ and ‘Oh no, it’s my ex-husband’.
-"With Friends Like These" by Truth

Lightning was flashing around Duncan and the Borg; unfortunately it had very little to do with the Quickening, and lots to do with the stupidity of attacking a cyborg with a metal sword.
-"As the Fur Flies" by M. McMahon

"The Riviera, now that car made the right statement."
"And that statement would be ‘blow me up’?"
-Vecchio and Fraser, "Nevermore" by Viridian5

"When the hell have you been in Yohji’s apartment watching porn?"
"Whenever they’re not around. I water Yohji’s plants."
"Yohji doesn’t have any plants."
"I know. I got too distracted watching porn, and forgot to water them."
-Ran and Ken, "Old Souls" by Aoe

"Ray, can I see you in the supply closet?"
"I'm busy."
"Perhaps the men's room?"
"I'm *busy*. Changing the rendezvous place isn't gonna make me
any less busy."
-Fraser and Kowalski, "Wayward" by Viridian5

Mr. Summers froze, and I wasn't all that surprised by it. They never had liked each other that much. I mean, I think it was a jealousy thing. Not so much that Logan had a thing for Miss Grey, which he did, but more along the lines of Logan had much better hair than Mr. Summers.
-Jubilee, "When Milk Goes Bad, and Other Reality TV Shows" by Troll Princess

"I mean punished. Being subjected to punishment. For bringing the killers of my father to justice." Fraser sighed wearily and closed his eyes. "You do remember the killers of my father, Ray? I talk about them all the time.
-"The Border Between Life and Death" by Speranza

"I think I picked the wrong month to quit smoking."
"I think I picked the wrong life not to start."
-Yohji and Ran, "Old Souls" by Aoe

"Iowa," Ray repeats. "Fucking Iowa. We're trapped in Iowa."
"Oh, you just like saying Iowa," I say, raising my paper again.
-"A Moment Of Insight" by Speranza

Oh, yeah. Join Schwarz for the anarchistic mayhem. Stay for the surreal conversation.
-Schuldig, "Nerve" by Viridian5

"I, uh, yeah," Ray said nervously; he hated talking to nuns, it made him feel like he was in some Japanese monster movie, being attacked by giant but benevolent penguins.
-"Chicago's Most Wanted" by Speranza

Logan didn't quite know how to respond to that. He quickly went over the usual options -- kill, maim, torture, beat up, antagonize, drink beer with, growl at, and bombard with lame come-on lines -- and noticed with a wistful sigh that "scream like a girl and run for the hills" was not on the list.
-"All Foam, No Beer" by Troll Princess

"You know that your life has gone terribly, horribly wrong somewhere when nuns vandalize your car. I mean--really. That has just got to be some sort of low point, right?"
"Yeah, well--sure sounds that way."
"I mean, when you're fighting nuns, you should just go jump in a hole. That's what I say."
-Kowalski and Welsh, "Chicago's Most Wanted" by Speranza

"Well, he's a vampire, not a rocket scientist."
-Wes re: Angel, "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" by Martha Wilson

"Did you hit your head harder than you thought? You’re hallucinating puppies."
-Sirius, "Just Breathe" by Setissma

I was suddenly feeling very "kill them all and let the Divine sort them out." Sid addicted me to Flash. Rafe takes advantage of the fact that I have some precious few qualms about fratricide. Dylan's insane and insensitive and if Sid killed him, I could be in charge of the Andromeda. Tyr's all right, I guess. He had a gun pointed at my brother, though. I couldn't decide if that was good or bad. Sid raised me. Rafe's my brother. Dylan has his moments. Tyr's very pretentious.
-Beka, "Something to Do" by Drusilla Rain

“Take up thy BDSM cucumber and walk,” Farfarello yawned.
-"The Knack and How To Get It" by Penelope Z

“My name is Weiss. You killed my Ray Bans. Prepare to die.”
-Yohji, "The Knack and How To Get It" by Penelope Z

Once upon a time, John Sheppard was forced to watch Waterworld with a girl he was not-dating. (2)
2. Okay, maybe dating. At least, she thought they were dating, and he thought they were just, you know, watching bad movies as a prelude to fucking, which is probably why the marriage didn't work out.
-"Thank you for flying Church of England" by SomeInstant

From Five-Minute Andromeda, by Zeke:

Beka's Log: We've been sent to defrost the Andromeda. Considering the title of the show, we figure this job may have a future.
-"Under the Night"

Hunt: Put away that pun and fight like a man!
-"Under the Night"

Courier: (over the comm) Come quickly, Andromeda! You're desperately needed!
Hunt: By whom?
Courier: The Nietzscheans. They've gone to the trouble of setting up a whole ambush just for you.
Rhade: We'd be very inconsiderate to disappoint them, sir.
-"Under the Night"

Andromeda: Here I come to save the day!
Big-@$$ Nietzschean Fleet: Hello.
Andromeda: Aw, crap.
-"Under the Night"

Hunt: Could you please step away from the armory for a sec?
Beka: That depends. Are you going to blow it up?
Hunt: That depends. Are you going to step away from it?
Beka: Well...nice little vicious circle we've got here.
-"An Affirming Flame"

Harper: Hey, check this out!
Andromeda: A backup copy of me. What would be the smart thing to do?
Harper: Destroy it, scan it carefully, leave it alone...pretty much anything except what I'm about to do.
Andromeda: I like the way you think.
-"Its Hour Come 'Round At Last"

Beka: So Dylan is going to that insanely large station, and you and I will blow him up if he takes too long...remind me, why are we going to all this trouble?
Andromeda: To save Tyr and Harper.
Beka: We're not too bright, are we?
Andromeda: No, sir.
-"The Widening Gyre"

Bloodmist: Look, I really think you should join the Dark Side. It's all welcoming and stuff.
Rev: What next -- gonna tell me you're my father?
Bloodmist: Um...not anymore.
-"The Widening Gyre"

Beka: Eureka! I have a plan to save us all.
Maru: Do tell.
Beka: Whether your ego believes it or not, I wasn't talking to you.
-"Exit Strategies"

Tyr: Nice dress. I'm surprised you didn't run out of paint.
Beka: Buzz off. Can't you see I'm about to enter an ambiguous relationship full of manipulation and deceit?
Tyr: What's wrong with the one we have?
-"A Heart For Falsehood Framed"

Email: panthea@populli.net

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